Twin Peaks
Episode Twenty-Three

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"Windom's Angels" just doesn't have the same ring to it

Cooper sits with Josie in the Packard living room while Katherine eavesdrops through slats in a blind inches away from where they're sitting. She rehashes her story about escaping from Asian Man Killed in the Seattle airport, and Cooper tells her that he could arrest her right now, and that he only came "as a friend of Harry's." She tells him to leave, but Cooper insists that "this is the end of it. There are no other options." Cooper tells her to be at the station at nine o'clock, I guess meaning tomorrow, and leaves. Katherine smarms in exactly no seconds later and wonders where Cooper's gone, quickly turning the topic to Josie's deteriorating state, noting, "Dear, you look awful." She also relays the news that Eckhardt wants to see Josie by herself tonight. Josie says he'll kill her and asks for Katherine's help, telling her, "I think I'm going mad." Katherine tells her to "tell him the truth," and changes her advice to "tell him whatever you want. Just pray that he believes you." Katherine then removes a book from a nearby shelf and pulls out a set of keys from behind it, exposing a silver pistol, which Josie takes in hand after Katherine leaves. Hey, don't point that thing at me. Actually, dear. I meant the haircut. And you take your time over by that bookshelf. You'll be needing some bonding time with it anyway. Say, Josie, you really do look lovely, standing there right next to that large, wooden piece of furniture. One might even say that it becomes you. One might say that. As it were.

Back at the Great Northern, Ben's office is packed with the usual executive board of Bobby, Jerry, and Audrey, Ben is wearing a really tacky jumpsuit befitting a sixty-five year-old woman on her way to the early bird special at the Boca Raton Ponderosa. Who can eat a whole steak? It's only four o'clock in the afternoon! Oh, sorry. That jumpsuit really transported me. Ben gnaws away at a piece of celery because he's Danny DeVito at the Academy Awards. A knock on the door of the office reveals Zane In The Ass, who flashes his many extra rows of teeth at Ben as they hug like straight men (though in that jumpsuit, I'm gonna go ahead and reserve judgement for the moment) do. By way of facile character development, Ben dispenses with the subtle introduction and just screams out the new character's name: "John Justice Wheeler!" Introductions all around. Ben asks the four to sit down on the couch, and embarks on a speech about Wheeler's history with the Horne family: "Years ago, I made an investment in him. A pittance, which he built into an empire." Now, it seems, Ben needs some help from Wheeler, considering recent developments in the company, recapped thusly: "The mill, the Ghostwood lands, are now solely owned by Katherine Martell. We don't begrudge her. The land was -- and is, after all -- hers." But, even without holdings, they are left with one thing: "the human spirit" and "the future." I guess Katherine also took their abacus or she left them only solar-powered calculators but then stole the sun. Because that's two things. By way of non-example, Ben walks over to a draped easel and pulls off the covering, revealing a pencil sketch of a long, ferret-y animal, which he introduces to the assemblage as "the little pine weasel. Found only in our tri-county area. They are almost extinct." Daddy-isn't-not-crazy-yet glances are woefully exchanged around the room as Ben continues on that "according to an environmental impact report, what few pine weasels remain will be all but wiped out in the Packard plans for Ghostwood development." Bobby, the dumb and inquisitive amongst the four easily identifiable personality types -- does the inner circle of Horne Industries feels like a cheap knock-off of Herman's Head to anyone else sometimes…no, it's just me, then -- puts forth, "So, you wanna save the weasel?" But Ben's thinking bigger. And we know this because he leans in and speaks in hushed tones. And this is what he says: "No, Bobby. Not just the weasel. But life as we know it. I want Twin Peaks to remain unspoiled in an era of vast environmental carnage." He plans to fight Ghostwood on every ground "and with every available weapon. The little pine weasel is about to become a household word." Please return the calculators, Katherine. "Little pine weasel" hasn't been one word since, like, four words ago. See what I did there?

Is it Earl or is it Memorex? Inside the Double R, a flannel-clad gentlemen with a dumbly sinister smile and a penchant for long pans of chess boards tosses down some change and an envelope with Shelley's name on it and skulks away from the counter. Norma is on the phone behind the counter, saying, "Annie, it's no problem. I've got plenty of room. You just get on the next flight, I'll be waiting." Noooooooo! Hang up, Legs. Do it! Prank call! Prank call! Shelley asks what's what, and Norma plot develops that her sister, Annie, is leaving the convent to come stay in Twin Peaks for a while. Wow. That's a bad idea, all right. But hello, what's this? Norma notices the envelope on the counter and hands it to Shelley, who opens it and reads a scrap of paper ripped from other scraps and sounds out the shards, "Mountains kiss, waves clasp, flower, sunlight, the moonbeams." She also finds an identical copy of the note sent to Audrey. Norma mentions that the Roadhouse meeting sounds "intriguing in a way, but it sounds dangerous." Whereas I think it sounds dangerous in a way, but it sounds intriguing. Seriously, what kind of a line is that? Ed enters the Double R just then, walks behind the counter, grabs Norma and tells her, "it's time for us to be together. Will you marry me?" Big smoochy kiss. Shelley retreats to the kitchen and the health inspector is all, "yuck." Where's a ten-episodes-old MT Wentz joke when you're really thirsting for one? Oh, there it was.

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