Many's the dramatic strings that ship us over to Wallie's (oh, how Diane lobbied and lobbied to change the name to "The First Wives Club" for just one episode, but alas ) where a tableau of six uniformed men hold cigars and gaze off in one direction at nothing in particular, the reason for which I am still today attempting to discern. Oh, Diane. You sure did invent art. Yes, you did. Some kind of lilting soprano aria blasts from the soundtrack. What this song really needs is some kind of a "runaway video" treatment of some kind. Anyone around here had any solid experience working in that delicate art of the so-called "runaway video" want to throw some tips in our oh, hello, Director Keaton. They say in heaven love comes first. But you learned all about that back in your runaway video days, now didn't you? Into the frame skulks James "Baby Boom" Hurley followed by Donna "The Little Drummer Girl" Hayward, Donna quietly asserting, "James, we can't get out of this by ourselves. We're gonna need someone to help us." James recaps for the casual observer with no feet and a recently broken remote, "I didn't do anything. Malcolm killed Mr. Marsh. I'm being framed!" A bartender slides into the frame and asks Donna if she would like anything to drink (though she can't because right now she's with child and blah blee blarg oh ha ha ha, really), and she shoots back one of her patented as-a-test-case-study-for-the-young-Doctor-Atkins-I-really-ought-not-to-eat-or-drink-anything-at-all-unless-of-course-it's-bacon glare (y'know, that glare) and chokes out a polite enough "no, thanks" that sends the bartender packing. Donna pulls James over to the bar and suggests calling Ed, but James initially refuses. So she suggests it again, telling him, "We've gotta keep moving." James wants to take his chances talking to Evelyn, trying to convince Donna, "She'd listen to me, though. I know she would." Donna senses the extreme sexual tension that existed between James and Evelyn (and, in sensing it, is the very first) and plays the jealous once-girlfriend in asking, "Why?" Pause. Pause. Pause. Answer, James! I guess the words "she loved me for my good, sexy lovin'" shouldn't come easily to someone so young, but come on; I just sang an entire verse and chorus of "Mad About You" and even storyboarded some quick ideas for a runaway video during that endless break in the action.
Episode Report CardDjb: C | 992 USERS: C+
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