Doing his tired rebel swagger thing out the door of the interrogation room, Bobby walks by Albert "The Only Thrill" Rosenfield, who immediately reclaims the show and the planet as his own, calling after a departing Bobby, "Get a life, punk!" Heh. Albert shares a huge hug with Truman, which would be vaguely gay if not for the vigorous, manly slapping of the other's back. Actually, it's vaguely gay anyway. After the intros, Albert announces that he was given his "invite back to Twin Peaks," and pulls a document out of his silver briefcase that should be the Nielsen figures showing Twin Peaks has now fallen behind several late-night shows on the UPN, a netlet suffering from the obvious programming detriment of not being in existence yet, but still killing in this timeslot nonetheless. But, according to Albert, that's not why he's back. The document turns out to be a glossy eight and-a-half by eleven of Windom Earle, wearing a fedora and sporting a Hitler-esque moustache. No wonder they've been unable to track down the man's whereabouts, using as they are this outdated photo of Windom Earle snapped at the "You Can Be A Rat Pack Member" costume photo booth inside the Excalibur. Albert tells Cooper and Truman that he's back as per Gordon Cole's request, "as he so succinctly put it, 'I'M WORRIED ABOUT COOP!'" Albert is so proud of his imitation he almost bows. Giggles everywhere. Even here. That was so Miguel's idea, overruling the director's suggestion that instead of imitating Cole, Albert should speak the words backwards and in German, all the while wearing a clown suit and crabwalking around the room through a giant pool of grape Jell-O. Because she's real arty like that. Albert unfolds a map of the U.S. on the table, pointing at a black half-circle drawn in marker straight through the middle of the country. Is that supposed to be a "C" for Cooper? That man really holds a grudge, y'all. Anyway, Albert fills us in that "Earle's been sending gift wrapped packages to police departments in major law enforcement agencies. Each looks like mail bomb but they turn out to be harmless. The deliveries were paid for by a phony credit card signed Windom Earle." Each box contains one article of clothing, all once belonging to Caroline. Officer Doom's little slideshow continues with a photo of the dead vagrant, and Truman notices that his finger is pointing directly at a chess piece. He asks how that can be, considering the rigor mortis and all. Albert? The man knows everything: "Rigor mortis goes from head to toe, but after two days it leaves the body from toe to head." The man is a fount of knowledge. Director Diane sighs with regret that no one thought to wait a few more days and give that a try with Sofia Coppola. Nah. That never would have helped. "Daddy?"
Some really unnecessarily lush strings kick up abruptly (I'm sorry, is this Brahms: Runaway Videos or am I missing something?) as Cooper has a private moment by the window. Albert walks up behind him, putting a hand on Cooper's shoulder (is there one overarching stage direction for "vaguely gay," or did they have to stipulate a specific set of actions each time?) and tells him, "He's making his move, most definitely." So are you, friend. Or so it seems. Or so it vaguely seems. Albert then changes the subject to the topic of clothes (natch), deadpanning out of nowhere, "About the uniform…Replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie with the casual indifference of these muted earth tones, it's a form of fashion suicide. But call me crazy. On you it works." He tugs at Cooper's collar. Wow. I take back everything I said earlier. Well, the "vaguely" part, anyway.