Twin Peaks
Episode Twenty-Two

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Diane Keaton wuz here

Cut to an inordinate close-up on the face of Ed "Father Of The Bride" Hurley, staring directly into the camera and murmuring, "It's been twenty years, babe." Since the last time there was an actual advancement in your character's existence, Ed? And don't you ever be calling me "babe" again unless I see a ring first, buddy. He turns his head slightly (I guess he wasn't speaking directly to me, after all. [Blush!]) and faces Norma "Looking For Mister Goodbar" Jennings, with whom he is lying in bed. She stares back, and makes with the pathos in her own right, she does: "I tried not to think about it. I just spent more and more time at the diner, trying to make the place work, because I had nothing else." She blah-blahs that she threw herself into her work so she didn't have to have another life, and we pan back to Ed, adding that he turned "all of [his] Christmases into a week full of Mondays," which is either a tremendously mixed metaphor, a line from "I Just Called To Say I Love You," or the last page Ed ripped off of his "Garfield Comic Of The Day" desk calendar that sits in his office over at the Gas Farm. He hates Mondays, too. Because it certainly wasn't a viable line of dialogue, if there is one thing it most definitively was not. That Garfield. So fat. Norma tosses her tackle into Ed's deep thought, and she's able to fish out some kind of meaning, anecdoting the day away, "I bought you a present last Christmas." A bolo tie. Of course. If she was so hell bent to buy him something he already had too many of, why didn't she just go ahead and buy him a gas station? Or a wife? Oh, more: "I walked over to your house to give it to you, but I couldn't go in. I just waited." She apologizes that she didn't, and Ed frets about the time they've lost. They turn to face each other (they're naked under there and it's not okay), and some smoochery begins. And for once, I'm happy for the impending arrival of Nadine "The Other Sister" Hurley, who busts through the front door with a yell of "Eddie!" Nadine starts to make her way out of the bed in a real hurry, but Ed tells her that he might as well talk to her now. They sit up in bed, and Ed moves permanently ahead of Josh Saviano and also the entire cast of Wings as early 90s B-list television personas I have no resounding need to see shirtless. Like, ever, ever again.

Nadine walks into the room, accidentally ripping the door right off the hinges in the process (because we get it, is why). She crosses the room without a word, and climbs into bed on Ed's other side. Okay, that was pretty funny. She hands Ed a trophy and frets about being disqualified from a cheeleading competition this afternoon, and as Ed tries to sympathize he mindlessly hands the trophy off to Norma. Not bad, not bad. Norma mutters a hello, and Nadine responds that she owes her an apology, because, "I really pounded Hank, and I am sorry. But I thought he was gonna do something to Eddie, and I sorta got mad." She then climbs out of the bed and makes for the non-door, stopping just before she makes her exit. She turns back to the bed as The Louise Dombrowski Blues kicks up anew, and Nadine admits, "I know about you guys. And it's really, really okay. Because I don't have to feel so guilty about me and Mike." She leaves. Ed and Norma exchange a glance. Can I add Frank Fontana from Murphy Brown to my non-shirtless early 90s list? Thanks.

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Twin Peaks

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