Survivor

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Night 33 at Aiga and Shambo moans in pleasure at the scalp massage she's getting from Brett. I don't like any part of what I just typed. Except maybe for "Night 33." Although I would prefer it if it was Night 38. I'm sorry, but this season has been a snoozefest. "I think you should be a massage therapist," Shambo says. Pshaw! Brett is a T-shirt designer. Anyone can be a massage therapist but it takes a rare talent to design T-shirts. Brett interviews that there is a completely different group of people at the end than he expected, not like he expected anything based on the way he played this game with little to no forethought or planning or even speaking. "I'm the last true Galu," says the guy who voted out Erik. He says he's going to try to stay in this game as long as possible. Provided, of course, that doesn't require any scheming or cleverness, because Brett doesn't do that. Li'l Russell, the stupid idol still around his neck, talks to Jaison. He Paul Engemanns that he's going to "push it to the limit" to make sure Brett doesn't win immunity again, because there's real possibility that Brett could win immunity all the way into the Final Three and win the entire game. I guess he should have thought of that before he voted Kelly out before Brett.

The next day, Brett and Natalie lie around the shelter and have a prayer session. It turns out that Brett can quote Bible verses. And, of course, Natalie loves that because she reads nothing but the Bible and "Christian books." I'm kind of hoping that this is part of Brett's evil plan to bond with Natalie over what she believes is their shared love of Christ, but he's probably being genuine and thus BORING. The more we find out about Brett, the less interesting he becomes. It's like peeling an onion that only has three layers, each one blander than the last. Brett thinks this could turn into a trusting relationship that will help him in the game. Well, maybe it could have, like, fifteen days ago. But it's a little bit late now.

Meanwhile, by the firepit, Shambo's hair is looking wilder than usual and even she notices it needs a "wet down." "I need a haircut," she adds. NO SHIT. But I'm sure she's not thinking of the same cut that I am. Nor Li'l Russell, who interviews that Shambo should just shave her head because her mullet is unfashionable, terrible, and apparently what Shambo is using to hide food. He continues that it's "nasty" and "disgusting" and he would have voted her out because of it a long time ago if he didn't need her. Now, I make fun of Shambo's mullet all the time - how can you not? - but when I hear Li'l Russell talking about it while making sure to cover his own head with either a hat or a buff so we can't all see that he's bald, it smacks of jealousy. "I'm doing whatever it takes to win the game," he sighs. Including being subjected to Shambo's mullet??? SUCH FORTITUDE.

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Survivor

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