Previously on Ugly Betty: Wili and her bodyguard were up to some extracurricular activities, which Betty inadvertently witnessed. Wili bought Betty's silence with a promise to get Ignacio citizenship, which left Betty feeling guilty. Christina got a text message from her estranged (and possibly strange) secret Scottish husband. Marc's embarrassment about his new schlumpy boyfriend Cliff subsided when he realized he could lose him and end up sad and alone like Wili. When her daughter bailed on her maid-of-honor duties, Wili recruited Victoria "Posh" Beckham nee Spice for the job. And, finally, after a season and a half of waiting, Betty and Henry did the nasty, and everyone agreed it was best for father Ignacio not to know.
We enter the episode with Justin riveted to Fashion TV and its countdown to the Bradhelmina wedding. Wooo! Ignacio pops up to try to tempt Betty with breakfast, but she, from beneath her cover, declines. And woah! It's actually Hilda, who has to fire-escape it back to her room to greet Ignacio and hear the breakfast menu, and then back again when Ignacio hits upon the idea of getting Betty out of her alleged Henry-related depression with some Canadian bacon. Mmm, Canadian bacon. Yet another piece of evidence that our neighbors to the north are vastly superior. Unfortunately, Ignacio catches actual Betty hoisting herself through her bedroom window. Busted!
At Mode, Marc is in full-on crazy-assistant mode getting ready for Wili's wedding. Cliff enters, and Marc continues to freak out, noting that, among other things, the cake's not ready, and Wilhelmina said that if there was any baby's breath in the floral arrangements, she'd sand off his nipples. Cliff doesn't know whether to focus on the cake or the nipples. Why choose, I always say. Cliff asks if Marc knows where his brown blazer is, because he's planning on wearing it to the wedding. Marc is appalled that Cliff would wear a corduroy thing held together by cat hair and ketchup stains to an event so fancy that Armani is wearing Prada. Cliff says nobody will notice, particularly since Marc has Rosie O'Donnell seated with Elizabeth Hasselbeck. I imagine the table is rounded out by the Trumps, Rick Santorum, Angela Davis, and Dog The Bounty Hunter. Marc acquiesces on the blazer and says it's who Cliff is, and the sooner he accepts that Cliff's a messy Bessie, the better off he'll be. Hey, there's nothing wrong with sending the boyfriend to Tim Gunn for a little tutorial. Sometimes enforcing a commitment to grooming is the only real way to show your love.
Meanwhile, Bradford and Alexis are celebrating when Daniel walks in. Turns out the folks in ad sales are very happy. Daniel thinks this is because of him almost boning Phil Donahue's wife, and gets all proud for a minute, but in actuality, Alexis has brought in Louis Vuitton and a host of other high-end advertisers. Daniel's almost lady-love, by contrast, took out an eighth-of-a-page ad in the March issue. Awwww. Feeing good, Bradford asks Alexis if she'd consider standing up with him at his wedding. Yes, he wants her to be his best man, a position heretofore occupied by Daniel, who went so far as to throw Bradford a bachelor party at Scores. The only thing worse than Bradford's old-people sex with Wili is Bradford's old-people lap dance from a stripper named Cheyenne. Eeesh. Daniel gets pouty, and says that Alexis might as well stand in for Bradford. If she doesn't, he says, it might very well kill Bradford, and Alexis wouldn't want that. Oooh, low blow, bringing up the time your sister who was formerly your brother had someone cut your dad's brakes.