Ugly Betty

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A Nice Day For A Posh Wedding

When we return, Amanda laments the fact that her fifteen minutes of fame as Fey Sommers's daughter are almost up, and she and her PR Bitch Marc have done nothing about them. They'd talked about an Amanda doll, a singing career, and rehab -- big dreams, but not yet realized. Marc says once he's through with Wili, he'll focus on her. Amanda says he'd better, or she'll twist his nipples off with a wrench. Marc asks, "Why the sudden interest in my boys?" Nipples are the new ass-flaps. As he leaves to tend to Wili, a handsome man with a Scottish brogue approaches the reception desk. Amanda notes that he talks just like someone she knows, but she can't remember who.

Cut to the very Scottish Christina, who's getting the brunt of Betty's venting about Ignacio. She catches a glimpse of Scottish brogue man and hauls Betty into Fey's Secret Love Dungeon. Ah, yes, we always knew this moment would come, didn't we? Betty is quite surprised to learn a) that there's a Secret Love Dungeon; b) that the man outside is Christina's secret Scottish husband; c) that Christina had a secret Scottish husband. The secret sex room and secret husband pretty much trump Betty's dad thing, and she knows it. Christina explains that she hasn't seen her husband Stuart for five years, ever since she told him she was going to the pet store to get dog food and just kept going. Betty can't believe that Christina had a dog, too. She notes that he did track Christina down, and asks if she isn't curious as to why. Christina blows her bangs, but literally, and not in the way she usually blows her bangs.

Meanwhile, Vera Wang! And Marc! And lots of assistants! Wili emerges in her wedding dress, leading Marc to say, "Be still my flaming heart," and Vera Wang to give herself kudos. While Wili makes a remark about her train, Posh emerges from her fitting area announcing, "This is major!" and knocking everyone out with her perfection. Vera announces that she has a new muse, and everyone deserts Wili to fawn over Posh. Posh asks if it's really okay, and Vera tells her it's Booty Bop-worthy. Wili drags Marc away from Posh's orange grapefruit boobs, and he notes that Posh made him feel tingly where no girl has ever made him feel tingly before. That is perhaps her greatest gift to humanity. Wili claws her way over to Posh, sends Vera on her way, and turns Posh's knockout dress into a dowdy bowed frock the likes of which Chloe Sevigny would be proud to wear. In other words: it's bad, and that's just the way Wili wants it.

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Ugly Betty




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