And then, we are in Guadalajara! Betty figures out which relative is which, and when she misidentifies one, she tries to say she's embarrassed but ends up telling them that she's pregnant. Meanwhile, Hilda talks to Vanessa from Six Feet Under, who is known to the Suarez family as Clara, about wedding stuff. Hilda asks for reassurance that there's enough time, and Vanessa/Clara tells her that in fact, there is not enough time, and she'll end up with nothing. And be married to a little mortician who let a stripper blow him. Life, man.
Meanwhile, Ignacio is talking to special guest star number two, Rita Moreno! She knows a boat you can get on. She is also teary, because she hasn't seen her little brother in thirty years. They joke about how old they are, and then Rita Moreno asks Ignacio if he's met her daughter-in-law, Clara. She whispers that Clara can't have a baby because of a cyst on one of her ovaries. That is just the kind of mother-in-law you want, you know? She grabs another glass of wine, and Ignacio tells her to watch it, because she has a tendency to talk when she drinks. Rita Moreno/Mierta tells him not to worry, and that she's never told anyone his secrets. At least that she remembers.
Clara tells Betty how skinny she is. Betty notes that Clara is the third person who's said that, then tells Hilda she loves it in Mexico. Hilda asks Clara to identify the creepy old woman who's staring at them. Clara says that she can't remember who the woman is related to, but she's a curandera -- a very powerful healer. She knows things, and can do things. But can she do the Macarena? In fact, she danced the Macarena in 1965 -- 30 years before it was invented! Powers proven. Clara says that the curandera cured her husband's wart just by touching it, and Betty suggests that maybe she can help Clara with her ovaries. Awesome. When Clara leaves, the curandera approaches. Convenient. The curandera apparently does not deal in the female reproductive system. She does, however, tell Betty in Spanish that Betty's going to be unhappy for the rest of her life. What, you become a curandera and you get to forego pleasantries like, "Hi," and, "Hot enough for you?" Actually, that seems like kind of a fun job. "Hey, Potes, how are you doing?" "You will never find love and will have a club foot in old age." Awesome. The curandera continues that Betty is stuck, and can't move forward unless she looks back. But there is hope. She sees a tree with missing branches, and the answer is behind that tree. Betty asks what this means, and Hilda says that it means the curandera is nuts, and was eating a candle a minute ago. Maybe that's why she looks so waxen. Hilda drags Betty away, but the curandera suddenly says to her, "It's not on the plane," and motions that Betty's earring is on her sleeve. And it is! Hey, can you hire that curandera by the hour? Because I have about six socks in need of mates. Commercials.