Ugly Betty
Bad Amanda

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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"No Crimes, Real Peeps, Saddle Up"

After their appointment, Christina brogues about the baby and rugby for awhile, and Wili doesn't want to know the sex of the baby, and then Marc calls to say that "the Thunder from Down Under" won't quit asking for her, so Wili babbles about how he should just say she got hit by a cab and won't be returning. Scared of going back to the office, Wili invites Christina out for a drink in the middle of the day. "I'm seven months pregnant with your child," Christina reminds her, but Wili says she's quite capable of drinking for all three of them.

Betty watches in amazement as Amanda works a counter girl into giving her about $800 worth of cosmetics samples, and Betty tries to find a way to feel guilty and disgusting about it. "Betty, it's fine. Don't you ever get free samples of ice cream?" Betty says yes, but then she buys some ice cream. "Hmm. Of course you do," Amanda says, managing to insult her in about six awesome ways, and then drags Betty off to a clothing boutique.

"Fun fact: most stores have a 30-day return policy. So you tuck the tag, wear 'em once, bring it back." Betty points out that it's both illegal and immoral, which breaks Rule One. "Remember number two? Real Mode readers. Is it fair that only Ivanka Trump gets to wear dresses like this? Shouldn't frumpy girls from Queens get to feel glamorous, too? Isn't that what this article is all about?" And while you should never try to argue Betty into thinking she deserves anything nice, ever, because you will always come up against Betty's innate self-hatred, Betty is momentarily confused by this logic. Amanda presses her advantage by rubbing a cashmere scarf all over Betty's face, and once again Betty's guilt goes TILT. "Wouldn't you love to wear it... Just once?" Her kooky smile and whirling hypnotism eyeballs work their magic, and it's on to the next thing.

"Every week, the Village Voice lists all the gallery openings in Chelsea. I always pick the ones with the ugliest art, because they have the best booze. They figure the drunker you are, the more likely you are to actually buy all this crap." Betty smokes another flute of champagne, and allows as how the stupid installation art (broken bicycles in stupid piles) is "really neat," so Amanda takes away her champagne and downs it. "Are you hungry? Because I just spotted dinner." She waves at a couple of freaky Eurotrash confidence men and hisses, "Tuck your tag. Tuck it!" They go talk to the dudes, and Amanda works her magic.

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Ugly Betty

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