Ugly Betty

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Bananas For Betty

In paintball shenanigans, Alexis uses a wardrobe rack and a healthy dose of slow motion to take out everyone except for Daniel and Amanda. Oh, it is on.

WIli and Marc, meanwhile, encounter a gaggle of paparazzi. She thinks they want to know about Slater, and says she's happy to answer any questions. The first one asked is, "Wilhelmina, why do you hate Betty White?" Awesome. Even Mother Teresa with a boob lift couldn't come back from that one. Wili says she has nothing against Betty White, and a reporter asks why, then, she viciously attacked her. Back at home, they see the homemade video of Wili reducing Golden Betty's high five to a high four in the car door. A crushed Marc asks, "Wili, how could you?" Wili says she's not a monster -- she just thought it was some old woman in the rain. Marc heads to the YouTubes, where he learns that the video has had 50,000 hits in an hour, and some queen has even made a dance remix. I would totally download the "I'm Wilhelmina Slater and I don't get wet" chorus for my ringtone. Wili is upset both that Slater is ruined and that she spent an afternoon touching homeless people for nothing. Marc says that maybe the investors haven't seen it yet. A barrage of phones ringing indicate something different.

Back at paintball camp, Amanda holds a mannequin wearing ruined Anna Sui. She dramatically says she knows she should feel something, but she feels nothing -- war has changed her. Turns out that with one victim and one evacuee, there's only Alexis and Nick left on the other team. Daniel strengthens his resolve to win, and tells Amanda to take Nick while he takes Alexis.

At World of Reggaeton, Gio and Hilda and Hilda's leopard print stilettos cut it up like Marie Osmond in her doll costume. Betty tries to drag Henry onto the dance floor, but he ends up backing into a tray of Flaming Pelicans and catching his sleeve on fire. This puts him in even more of a foul mood, and he angrily asks Betty what they're even doing there. Betty says she just wanted to dance, and Henry tells her to go dance with Gio, because he's never going to be "that guy." And if he were going to try, he'd have to cut his legs off at the knee. He storms off, Betty looks forlorn, and we head to commercials.

When we return, it's still bad times for Wili and Marc. The phone rings, and it turns out Betty White wants to speak to Wili! Ah, the dream of every gay has come true for Miss Wilhelmina Slater. Wili asks how she's doing, and Betty White says that she's doing surprisingly well for someone who had to fight a rat for her fingertip. Don't you feel like this should just naturally segue into a "Back in St. Olaf" story? Wili apologizes, and says she just thought Betty was some old lady. Betty thinks it's an honest mistake. She'll be fine, she says -- she did lose a lot of blood, but it was her own fault, since she stopped to sign a few autographs and almost bled out on the sidewalk. Would that Bea Arthur had been there to dress her with the excess material from her caftan. And then, the thing happens that maybe ties with Wili's folk singing for the greatest thing ever: Wili tells Betty that she's loyal to her fans, and that's why she's so beloved. Betty says she adores them, except for the few sickos who write lesbian fan fiction about her and Bea Arthur. HAAAAAAAAAA. And I've deleted all my files, so you can't prove anything. In any case, it turns out that Betty is calling to forgive Wili. Wili, quick on her feet, says that this makes her feel better, but Betty can help heal the city if she forgives Wili on TV. It's a scheme even Sophia Petrillo would be proud of.

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Ugly Betty

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