It's the Diazs' fault: they married young, they've been married a long time, they stopped hanging out and things went cold. The fact that she still loves him and hasn't cared to show it until now didn't even phase him: he said today he was in love with somebody else (Stop! UES time!). Hilda's amazing at that one: her happy-then-guilty-then-sad face is almost a blur. She asks if it's crazy to still be in love with her cheater husband, and instead of being like, "Have you seen his ass?" Hilda just shakes her head no. Wifey asks for just a chance to save her marriage, and slumps off all pathetic, and Hilda feels like an utter piece, and I'm back in her corner. What a brilliant way of working all the kinks out of that situation in which nobody's really the bad guy, which is much closer to the reality. And in only four episodes!

Betty having promised Gio when it's all done he can drive his meaty cheesy van far far from "Betty Town," they're all three doing a pretty good job of having fun. I mean, "fun" insofar as taking part in creepy nasty carnival delights is fun. It's a headspace thing but I've accomplished it in the past. You know what's weird? Shooting water, into a clown's mouth, until a balloon, coming out of its head, pops. I bet the person who invented that "game" died in prison. I just have a strong feeling that there was something dreadfully wrong with them in a way the authorities are trained to detect.

They send the contested dual-citizen child currently the subject of an international custody battle off to have some fun on Coney Island while they stand around being stupid and boring, and then Daniel comes up and he's like, "Where's my kid?" and they don't really know. He's fine with that. He explains that they're taking the Meade family jet to a country as yet TBA -- "What country has no extradition treaty with us? Iceland's a real country, right?" -- because the judge wouldn't grant a stay, of course, so Daniel finally explodes with the missing, obvious jigsaw piece that Daniel Junior is not actually his son... Just as DJ is walking up.