Marc brings in Wili's coffee, and without looking up she asks unctuously, "How's my baby?" He starts giggling and hopping and bouncing all around because he apparently gets squirrely when she call him that, and then her scary plastic visage goes, "Face?" and he realizes she's asking about the real baby. Okay, well Christina and "her terminal Scotsman" are apparently at a spa somewhere, and are malingering. Wili tells Marc to remind Christina that her contract "limits extracurricular womb activities," and he fights on behalf of all of our rising lunch when he promises to make the attempt to say those words without killing himself. They discuss how Alexis got off with community service -- "If I knew this was the way the system worked, I woulda tried to kill more often," quoth Wilhelmina -- and Marc is just incensed: Christina tries to off Wili's offspring and gets off with a slap on the wrist. Altogether an offing outrage. Oh, Marc. You'd look much better out of those puns. He follows Wili around as she processes the situation aloud, agreeing with every statement no matter how contradictory, until he's worked himself into a corner, and asks what the eff she's talking about. "Get your lips off my ass and get the DA on the phone." Dude, a good assistant can do both.
The lawyer explains that, thanks to the little blank double carriage return and/or web page between this sentence and the last one, the DA has bumped Alexis's "horrific" crime to attempted murder, no bail. Claire gets wild, of course, and says they won't be going to trial: "I am not putting my daughter's future in the hands of people too stupid or lazy to get out of jury duty," goes the old refrain, but Alexis is so tired due to being a mother and a father at the same time, and just wants to go home to all 6'2" of Jerry O'Connell's hot ass and have a billion kids for a second, so maybe she should just go to jail for the terrible, nonsensical thing she did. The lawyer agrees, because he knows a losing proposition when he sees it, but Claire remains unconvinced. Between Alexis's innate goodness, the handsome Meade contributions to the DA's election funds, and her own insane force of will, "Mommy will make this all better." I love Claire, but it gives me something like a hot flash of terror when she says shit like that, because the only thing more powerful than love is the psychotic break.