Ugly Betty

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Legalité, Libéré, Sororité
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Fashion Buzz is all about how this week, the "center ring" of the Meade Family Circus belongs to Alexis. There is an entirely different adorable cartoon showing how she threw a pregnant woman down "a pesky flight of stairs," and then Lloyd is all about trying to get as close to the visiting Daniel's limo as possible -- including, awesomely, screaming "Make a hole, bitches!" at the surrounding paparazzi. It would seem that Daniel has lost his gumption, standing as he is with his back to the crowd and a black trench over his body; Lloyd assumes this unfortunate circumstance has taken such a tool that Daniel has become some sort of "twisted hunchback," which is both a funny punchline on its own and points to the real punchline: Miss Betty Suarez, who flips the script on them and screams "HA!" at the disappointed press just as Daniel's slipping in through the back.

Betty calls to make sure he got in okay, and mentions how proud she is of him for supporting his sister. Even if, in this case, she pushed Betty's best friend #1 down the stairs and threw Betty's best friend #2, and her own brother, under the bus for it. He's not happy to be there either, but his mom told him to do it, and God forbid you say no to Claire Meade on a Hot Flash day. Anyway, Betty asks from deep inside her own personal universe, can she take the towncar to work? The answer is no.

Daniel stares across the table at his sister, who looks as much "like crap" as it's possible for Pepper Dennis to look, which is to say not very, but they at least tried to smudge some mascara or something on her eyes and called it a day. She complains that they took away her eyebrow pencil, and he informs her that she's getting out with a fine and a few hundred hours customer service. He wonders aloud why Claire made him come down to say that in person, but of course Alexis has something to share with him.

Specifically, what I am trying to say is that Rebecca Romijn is about to explain to her brother, Eric Mabius, that she is the father of his Parisian child. And that is why I love Ugly Betty.

So he looks at her like, "Um, go for it," and she explains how thirteen years ago they both banged a woman in Paris, and Alexis was still a man, and the woman in question was DJ's mom, and... Daniel's just like, "Yes, get to the pertinent information." I mean, it's Daniel. You have to connect the dots for him. "I saw the results of the paternity test, and you're not DJ's father. I am." Daniel is totally stunned all the way through the rest of her speech, about giving up her parental rights and keeping this all out of the press. Basically, she thinks they can keep everything the same and nobody has to know that Daniel's not his son's father, and um, she's sorry... And that's when he jumps over the table and attempts to beat the shit out of her. Or rather, her totally skinny stunt double who could probably take Eric Mabius, rock-hard pecs or no, any day of the week. Those are some rough bitches.

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Ugly Betty

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