Ugly Betty

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Legalité, Libéré, Sororité

Marc spritzes the phone for Wili so she tell Alexis that the power to forgive is one of the five dark powers she commands as a result of Freedom kissing Satan's anus at midnight, and maybe by the time the hurlyburly's done she can get Alexis out of there. "The District Attorney and I share certain ... enthusiasms." Alexis realizes that she got the charges jacked up in the first place to give Wili more bargaining room, and Wili is totally over the outrage: "We screw each other, it's what we do." She demands Alexis's shares of Meade in return for her French, and Alexis says she'd do a hundred years of scary old prison before she'd screw her brother over again. Just like she says every other time, but this time she means it: This time, Wili can screw herself. She takes off and Wili holds out her hand for more sanitization spritzing.

Gio drives them around aimlessly in the van as they try to come up with a good place to stash the kid, and she suggests Swan Lake to simultaneous pooh-poohing from both Gio and Daniel ("What!? Kids love the ballet. Justin loves the ballet..."), and Gio finally demands the phone so that the two men can figure it out without the worthless girl interfering. Ugh. Gio decides to take them to Coney Island for "dogs" and something called "the Cyclone." Yeah, you should definitely show DJ the worst parts of American culture, that's a good way to keep him here. "They may love you and have psychological stability the Meades can only imagine having, but on the other hand: Carnies!"

The wife goes to Hilda's shop and they have a long talk about how her husband, Tony Diaz, is secretly sneaking around with a woman. That woman? B. Suarez. "You don't have to pretend, I know what's going on." She begs Hilda to intercede on her behalf, and stop the meetings at the Manhattan apartment. She's been back since then -- just today, banging on the door, she could hear her with some kind of Freedom guy, meaning "Betty" must be some kind of insatiable slut. Hilda takes fake offense at this, and the wife sighs, because the Other Woman -- as usual -- is not actually the problem.

It's the Diazs' fault: they married young, they've been married a long time, they stopped hanging out and things went cold. The fact that she still loves him and hasn't cared to show it until now didn't even phase him: he said today he was in love with somebody else (Stop! UES time!). Hilda's amazing at that one: her happy-then-guilty-then-sad face is almost a blur. She asks if it's crazy to still be in love with her cheater husband, and instead of being like, "Have you seen his ass?" Hilda just shakes her head no. Wifey asks for just a chance to save her marriage, and slumps off all pathetic, and Hilda feels like an utter piece, and I'm back in her corner. What a brilliant way of working all the kinks out of that situation in which nobody's really the bad guy, which is much closer to the reality. And in only four episodes!

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Ugly Betty

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