Ugly Betty

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Legalité, Libéré, Sororité

Wili finds Claire sitting at her desk and they have a super intense pissing match. "I went to a lot of trouble to get you a perfectly nice cubicle!" she says, and they talk about how Wili is all about destroying Claire's daughter's life as a power play for the company -- which is exactly what Alexis was doing when she tried to kill Wili's kid. Good point. Claire explains that Alexis will never, ever give Wili control over Meade Publications, and Wili's like, "Then we don't have anything to talk about, so take your hot flash cold sweats off the upholstery."

But Claire's new plan to save everybody involves Alexis splitting her shares between the baby and Daniel, so that Wili will be an equal partner and they can be co-EICs. I was so bummed that Wili didn't get to play the Fey Sommers thing to the hilt, but this is even better. Trust the show, Tiger. In return, Wilhelmina will use her "influence" with the DA to get Alexis sprung. Wili knows Daniel won't be happy with his mother bartering away his legacy to French his jailbird sister, but Claire grins creepily and explains that human beings, unlike Wili, understand the concept of sacrifice, and that he will understand that this is about saving his sister. Wili gets in her face and pushes past her to her chair, thinking Botoxically about how that's dumb because you don't give things up to save your sister, you steal her meds and turn her into a psycho arsonist. Obviously.

Betty's grossed out by the viralpalooza under the boardwalk, but Gio knows he's right: no screaming tourists, the ability to be alone with his tiny Freedom thoughts, and also the chance to look up the skirts of all the lovely ladies of Coney Island. Welcome to hell. And of course Gio is right, and there's DJ having a Gallic meltdown in the dirt. Daniel approaches him and they talk for about six hours about how he said he was his Dad in every episode, but that wasn't true, but he still feels like his Dad, but he also doesn't really care that much, so he will be the crazy fun American uncle, and that's not as meaningless as it sounds, so in summation he totally loves DJ but doesn't really want him, and that is beautiful. And then they hug each other and it is totally facile, and Betty and Gio have slight feelings about each other that are not hate, and then it's just endless huggery under the boardwalk. Whatever gets that kid out of here, man, because I am over it.

Tony comes to Ignacio's house, where Hilda looks amazing just long enough to dump him. Why? Because he's married. But he totally just left his wife. And that's weird for him, but still no. He hasn't even realized how fucked that makes him yet, because Hilda is explaining that she doesn't want to be a part of whatever happens with his wife, because that's not her thing. Like, she's not necessarily the gunman that killed Santos, in this scenario, but she's still a witness to the murder, and who wants to be party to that shit? I can't say I blame her, although it sucks for Tony, but honestly all he had to do was leave the marriage, if he wasn't happy. He didn't have to use Hilda for that. They love each other like, so much, and he is so totally fine, but none of that matters because this is a story he's writing and she doesn't want to be a character in it. She cries, he leaves, Ignacio hugs her, it's pretty much the optimal ending for this story. Hilda's probably my favorite character on this show besides Amanda in her human form, so I'm glad she pulled it together finally.

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Ugly Betty




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