Ugly Betty

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Legalité, Libéré, Sororité

Tony still wants to pretend that there's something remotely romantic about his relationship with Hilda, whining about the fact that they're having a picnic on Betty's stupid apartment floor when they could be doing it outdoors where God can see their sin, and Hilda's like, "You know what's romantic is ants crawling on your skin. And dog crap." He's all over her, and she's like, "Okay, but we actually do have to talk. These little meetings must be more than implausible Freedom farce tableaux where my dad walks in. Also talking." She lists a few of the many horrible things about this storyline, like the ten people they're dissing by having this conversation, what will happen if he finds out his mom's a skank (too late on that one), etc. Tony claims he's leaving the wife, and Hilda's like, "I swear to God if you're fucking with me" but he promises: he's telling wifey this afternoon. No more "dates" in the back of a car, no more Ignacio assuming they'll burn in hell. That's such good news that instead of leaving until after he actually makes this lie come true, Hilda makes out with him. Later on he's leaving, and the wife has followed him, and she reads the nameplate on the door -- "B. Suarez" -- and the Freedom farce comes flooding right back.

Amanda: "Hey Betty, a pair of sweaty smelly balls arrived for you." They belong to Mario Batali. Ew, not like that! Betty gets so excited about the Scamorza that Amanda assumes it's her lunch, and then hilariously produces a drawerful of some kind of packaged diet product that I gather has gone on the market recently, and compares one slice of the heavenly cheese to ten of her prepackaged diet meals. Then she starts stacking them up, apparently to make good on this ratio.

Betty takes that lawyer guy to Daniel's office, slapping his hand away from the cheese because she has no manners whatsoever this week. The lawyer begs to "step in" and handle the custody fight, because he wants to at least do one thing right for the Meades this week. Turns out that sometime in the last five seconds, the grands-parents have subpoenaed all the evidence in the custody suit, including the paternity test, so Daniel's no longer the father in anybody's mind except Betty's. Additionally in the last two of those five seconds, Alexis gave up her parental rights, and the grands-parents have temporary custody, and he's filed a motion to suspend but if they get the kid to Freedom soil, Daniel can kiss him goodbye as both son and nephew. Wow, are we working on wonky-ass UES time right now or what? When the hell did all that happen?

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Ugly Betty




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