We enter precisely where we left last week, with a drunk Henry trying to make it with Betty. Betty, however, is having none of it, particularly when she realizes that Henry is drunk off of a melon and apricot wine cooler. As you do. Henry wonders why Betty didn't tell him about Charlie and Farkas. Betty says that there is a child involved, and it might be his, and she can't get her heart broken again. They have to wait until they know whose baby it is. Betty says that she can do it if he can, and Henry snores in response. It's hard to have a serious conversation with someone who is wasted AND sugar crashing.
Meanwhile, Amanda and Daniel prepare to open the results of her DNA test by taking a walk down memory lane and talking about how much sex they had. Which, apparently, was a lot. When Amanda happily learns that Bradford is not her father, the two make out in celebration. That almost never happens on Maury. Daniel totally wants to do it, but Amanda still has unresolved issues with him and so allows only a boob squeeze.
Cut to a hung-over Henry, who has never been drunk before. Obviously not, if the wine coolers did it. Not that I'm hating -- I fondly remember my first bottle of Boone's, and the resulting sloppy makeout session with a stranger. Hilda fixes Henry her hangover special -- tomato juice, raw egg, and a little bacon grease. So that's how Hilda maintains that healthy glow. She promises his hangover will be gone by third period. Hilda says that Henry must be dying to call that bitch, a.k.a. Charlie, but he says he doesn't know what he'll do when he hears her voice, because he's so mad. He says that he feels like a female orangutan in estrous when a non-dominant male tries to mount her -- she bares her fangs and attacks blindly. Finally, I have a description for the emotion I've been feeling all these years! Hilda says the story would be more effective if he compared himself to a male orangutan and if he knew what estrous was. Henry, having had enough of watching her eat eggs, hurls.
Meanwhile, Betty is not mad at Christina for spilling the beans to Henry. Both women are busily getting ready for the Black And White Ball, which is Daniel's favorite event of the year, because he gets to present a big oversized check to charity. And, probably, a big oversized "check" to Charity. Betty is distracted when she hears the call of the sandwich guy...who is Rico from Six Feet Under! Oh, so wee. Rico is excited when he learns that Betty is an eater. He's not as excited about Daniel as he barges in the sandwich line and hands Betty an ad for the iBot motorized wheelchair, which he wants for that evening. Betty thought Daniel was supposed to be walking by today, but he says he still needs therapy. And how. As further evidence, he wants a check that neither makes his head look small nor washes him out. Good luck with that, paley small-head.