Betty rummages around in the saturated fats and processed sugars that constitute her refrigerator, pulling out both chips and dip, in case he's exactly who he is, or carrot sticks "in case he's that guy," which impulse would lead me less to indulge than to be like, "And a gun, in case he's a carrot stick guy." She's talking to Hilda, who looks more fabulous each week, and she's all, "If I put out candles that's romantic, but maybe it's too romantic for a date that doesn't exist that I can motherfucking guarantee you he doesn't remember you're having, or maybe I'm just the kind of girl that has a billion candles around, like, all the time." And... you kind of are, Betty. Don't hate.

"You are crushing hard!" Hilda says. The only truly unhealthy thing about Hilda's close relationship with the rapidly expanding beanpole that is her son is the way she says things like "crushing hard" without even warning you. Betty's like, "Yeah, but he will never date me, because who would." Hilda says Henry and Gio, like that's... Even Betty calls bullshit on that one, pointing out how Jesse is fabulous and vacant, and nobody's made any kind of agreement to pretend that Jesse's ugly, like the whole show did with Henry and his sick body, or that Gio is human size for that matter, so in the universe of the show yes, he is too hot for her.

Hilda, and I finally see what her problem is, mentions the CD: "If a guy needs you to tell him how great he is, he likes you!" HILDA! NO! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! How destructive and delusional, it's like that whole "gay is a phase" thing they tell you in middle school so you won't figure out how awesome kissing dudes is before they mess you up. It's a lie that only causes you to go insane and waste time being sucky. If a guy needs you to tell him how great he is, he is a guy. That is all you have deduced: something you already knew.