Ugly Betty

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Betty Bobs Her Hair

Oh, Betty. So she's dressed like a lunatic, as usual, hopping around behind her window waiting for Cute Neighbor Jesse to come home from his actual real life that he's been having while she's been capering behind the curtains like a pensioner with a crush on the UPS guy, practicing her hellos, and finally grabs two coffees and beats it down the stairs so she can crazily fake laugh about how they're "always running into each other. LOL!" Is this a low point for Betty Suarez? The fact that you have to think for a second about that, like it's a real question with a quantifiable answer, is part of the problem with this season, but if you ignore the rest of this season, the happy answer is: Not even! It's just cute! She's been way more pathetic than this! You go, Glen Coco!

Neighbor Jesse calls her "Betty Rocker," which is so multitaskingly amazing I just now figured it out, a day later. He compares them to two ships that pass in the AM, and tells her that his night was so-so, ending with getting spit on by the cook. I would never spit on Neighbor Jesse, not even if he requested it in some kind of scenario. She forces him to take her stupid sad extra coffee and then totally blows her own spot about how she got it by accident but it's accidentally decaf because the coffee guy accidentally knows that Betty accidentally knows that Jesse sleeps in the morning because he's accidentally a slacker musician.

Jesse's like, "Oh, speaking of, thanks for reminding me that I'm the lead singer in a band, and thus have no concept of other people. I knocked on your door last night to give you this CD so you can tell me how great it is, because that's what other humans are actually for: listening to my CD, loving the shit out of it." And Betty's like, "I have played that role my entire life, future husband." Speaking of things Betty can do for Jesse, could she tell him her honest true thoughts on the CD and be brutal instead of being so nice. What Jesse is saying here, if you don't speak Hipster, is that a fun game for us to play is to pretend that we have humility and pretend that the other person has humility, but then totally love the shit out of the CD please. In a "brutal" fashion. Betty says she can only ever brutally love it to death like Lenny with a rabbit because his music is "so emotional," which actually does explain Neighbor Jesse's facial resemblance to that little bitch Chris Carrabba.

Anyway, "I Made Her Cry" is a song of Jesse's that made Betty cry, with brutal love. Is there anything else that Betty can do for Jesse? Why yes, yes there is. He wants to watch a Miles Davis documentary but doesn't have a TV, so he asks about the TV in the laundry room so she'll offer up even more of her dignity. Because luckily, Betty has a TV, and the loneliness that accompanies it, and if you give her five seconds she'll produce some kind of Hungry Man dinner or something to accompany it. Then Betty wanders off to work, the wrong way, and giggles and shivers and acts like a moron. Which would be embarrassing if Neighbor Jesse didn't immediately retreat to a pot-soaked fog of solipsistic considerations of his personal style and whatever the second she stopped yapping in his grill, dressed like a circus clown off her meds.

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Ugly Betty

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