Ugly Betty

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Betty Bobs Her Hair

Justin says what's up to Wili, but she is not feeling him, and then finds out that she's accidentally partying on Betty's roof, which makes her feel ill. She spots Connor just as Daniel, on the other side again like at the beginning of the episode, sees him too, and they converge on him like squabbling children for a good long while until he explains that they are assholes who can go ahead and fuck off, because he's not going to pick sides. He sold the magazines because Daniel took the muzzle off, he got together with Wili because he wants to work with them, and any kind of blackmail bullshit she's got up her sleeves means nothing to him, because after he nearly went down the Martha Stewart hole he decided to become the kind of man that he -- and apparently everybody else -- could love, so excuse him, but he's nobody's bitch, and he plans on doing the job he was hired to do, not fuck around with sperm-stealing weirdos and bromance douche-chills. After he's gone, Wili and Daniel have orgasms of such intensity that they have to hold each other up so they don't get Betty's roof on their clothes.

Betty goes to Jesse's apartment to embarrass herself, but he's not there; there's girlish giggling -- plus Amanda giggling too -- coming from Betty's apartment, and you'll never guess who's macking in there. Betty runs off and Amanda follows her, yelling about how it was obviously bound to happen because she's a ho, so next time she'll hang an oh-so-discreet bra on the doorknob, and Betty screams loud like a monster, "You are the worst roommate! You are selfish and insensitive! I want you out! Be gone by tomorrow!" Which is... what inevitably happens when ugly girls get hot roommates, and frankly at 24 you should know that. But what makes it amazing is Amanda's face, which bears the saddest face a face has ever sadded. OMG, Amanda, that is rough! You can't be my roommate either, because you are a hot mess, but I do feel terrible for you right now.

Wili approaches Connor, awkwardly apologizing: "I always backmail people when I'm nervous," she explains, and he smiles all hot. She says it's counterintuitive to meet actual nice people with integrity in business, so she didn't know what to do, which is fairly awesome. She asks if they can start with a clean slate, and he's like, "Great. As long as I don't have to bump knuckles with Daniel anymore, because that is weird." She smiles and flirts about how they still have to try the scotch, and he says it's a date, and she's so happy! That something horrible must happen! His phone rings and he's like, "Dang, it's my fiancée and I have to go talk to her, later buddy," and her nod is very eloquent after he's gone, because this is exactly what she was saying would happen, and she fell for the universe's trick anyway. Everybody is getting eponymously crush'd! Cliff! And Amanda! And Wilhelmina and Daniel! And of course Betty! But if they all get crush'd then who will be left to be awesome?

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Ugly Betty

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