Ugly Betty

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Betty Bobs Her Hair

Betty arrives early at Mode, I guess as a natural consequence of not having anything to do between the hours of five, when hipsters come home, and eight when luxury publishing begins. Also there is Amanda, brushing her teeth while running around the Mode offices completely ass naked, with hilarious props covering her bits a la Austin Powers, which would be lame and tragic except they're clever, like a desk lamp posing as an off-center miniskirt. Betty screams, "You're naked!" and Amanda stares her down, all, "And you're wearing a hideous ensemble, so?" She admits she was evicted, due to not paying the rent a couple of times and the inordinately nasty behavior this caused, and Betty's like, "You can't live here! And you have a hundred friends!" I'm so sure, she has like half of a friend. Come on.

Betty starts digging around in her purse to give Amanda some cash, and that was the moment I was like: We're back. That's the real Betty. And I realized that the problem has been Betty wanting things, which is why her being nice to Amanda and all the bullshit it causes is okay, because she knows for a fact that being nice to Amanda will have zero dividends, and can only lead to heartache and getting thrown down stairs. But the fact that she's doing it for no reason -- or as Amanda says, that caretaking is a disease for Betty -- means she can't be acting gullible, because there's nothing for her to get out of it, ever. Which is why the hell she ends up in this time is funny and touching, rather than being like this... lightning the gods are shooting at her ugly face. Anyway, Amanda blows her off and flashes her boobs at the security cam like she's got some kind of arrangement with the security guys, except she's still standing there where she was naked five seconds ago, and only flashing right now because Betty made her put on a dress one second ago, so it doesn't make a shitload of sense, but it's still awesome because Amanda is a lunatic.

Later, Betty's spazzing out to Neighbor Jesse's CD, singing along hilariously in the funniest, most Betty-esque Muppet voice, bouncing all over, and finally Daniel touches her shoulder, causing her to scream "HI!" at him. "THIS IS MY FRIEND JESSE'S NEW SONG!" Daniel's like, "Did you not choose Me at the beginning of the season? Why are you getting all queer over this dude across the hall when it's been less than two months of Betty Suarez Land?" Which I can't even bullshit about right now, because it's fun to have a crush and get dramatic when you're 24, I get that. But mostly because Betty then changes the subject and informs Daniel that M.I.A.'s people called and she's in Brazil somewhere and they can't find her. Get it? That's like the most subtle joke ever on this show, and it's basically a pun, but I'm still quite proud of them. Anyway, they have to find a music act for their next stupid fashion non-event, which is going to create a lot of trouble for Betty, which is good, and then also, M.I.A. kind of ... is at the moment, but my theory is that Santogold murdered her and put her in a suitcase like S.W.F., which you must agree would explain an awful lot.

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Ugly Betty




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