Ugly Betty

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Betty Bobs Her Hair

Betty's been shocked speechless since before the commercial break because if you're thinking it's a Jesse chocolate and you bite into it and it's Amanda instead, that's just Whitman fucking with your mind and it's going to freak you out guaranteed, but finally she pulls it together and explains that Amanda cannot stay in Betty's one-room apartment with her dying dog, because when she told her to stay with a friend, she meant that word in the usual way, not a secret atypical definition that means "punching bag," but Amanda only has one of those kind of friends, and it's Marc, whose friendship she would never want to jeopardize, plus Cliff (CLIFF) basically lives there, so...

Betty keeps trying to tell Amanda to fuck off and Amanda is not hearing her, and finally Amanda just throws down and says she only thought of it because Betty was so sweet this morning, and then for good measure hurls the chunk of Kryptonite at Betty's face: "You're Betty! You're nice!" BOOM! Betty knocks on Jesse's door to "cancel" their "date" -- which he absolutely cannot remember making, but covers well -- by explaining that a "friend of mine, or... person of mine..." is having hard times, which I love because that's exactly what Amanda is: a person of Betty's, and neither of them understand that yet.

Jesse's like, "It's fine that you're breaking the date I wasn't interested in having and don't remember planning with you, because my band lost a gig to another band called Buffalo Hump -- they SUCK! -- and so he's just sad. Betty mouths more meaningless platitudes of encouragement at him, and he's very touched because that's the only kind of conversation that appeals to him or that he can really understand, because he's Amanda only instead of "pretty" it's "talented," or like Betty only instead of "nice" it's "pretty." Amanda's insane voice rises to a scream across the hall: "We're out of diiiiiip and I'm HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGRY."

Daniel tries to climb Connor like a tree and Connor distracts him with a list of his ideas, which Daniel throws in the air like confetti at their gay wedding because he trusts Connor so much because of how they're in love that he doesn't even have to ask because Love Means Never Having To Ask Should I Do This Thing You Told Me Not To Do Behind Your Back, and Daniel and Connor raise their pilsners and bump their little fists. They are terrorists, but now we can see that terrorists feel love too. Wili's like, "This is why I voted for McCain, that little fistbump right there. I am so glad Connor and Daniel can no longer legally wed in the state of California, or else they totally would" and then sends Marc to research other ways of getting rid of Connor or blackmailing him, because she doesn't want to be constantly overruled by the Access of Hotties that has aligned against her, and Marc goes off to dig dirt with a fist bump proffered and rejected in favor of punching him in his little face.

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Ugly Betty




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