Nooooooooooooooooooooo! Oh, where to begin in this hour full of tragedy? Okay, first of all, Betty decides that she's going to fight for Henry. She tells him so, upon peril of vomiting, and he surprises her by saying that he broke up with Charlie. Woo, right? Well, hold that "woo" for now, because bitch got herself knocked up, and Henry's going back with her to Tucson. But! Maybe get a half "woo," because Betty discovers from her perky dental hygienist (played by Kristen Chenoweth) that Charlie had been having an affair with good old Dr. Farkas for a few months. So the baby might not be Henry's! Meanwhile, Bradford proposes to Wilhelmina. When she must battle Fabia for her date of choice at St. Patrick's Cathedral, she trades June 16 for Marc. I know! But after remembering all the good times she and Marc have had together, she pushes the wedding off until November and gets him back. This may or may not work out for her, as Claire and her friend Yoga used the oldest give-a-diabetic-a-candy-bar prison-break scam in the book, and appear to be well on their way to vengeance. Daniel is still hopped up on his mystery drug, and has to feign a story about saving a Girl Scout to explain the black eye he got when his thug drug dealer beat him up and robbed him. Betty buys it, and when she tells Alexis, who sees right through the bull, Alexis suggests that she call a press conference. Betty does, and Alexis predictably humiliates him. There go his free Thin Mints. After Daniel discovers that Bradford is marrying Wilhelmina, he is driven over the edge and takes way too many pills with way too much liquor. He goes to say goodbye to Alexis, and his heartfelt words to her, along with the fact that he is quite possibly going to OD, bring out some long-lost sibling love. Alexis quickly decides to take him to a hospital, but because all the town cars are unavailable due to a party thrown by Paula Abdul, she decides to use Bradford's car. And you know how she hired that guy to off Bradford? Well, he apparently decided to cut Bradford's brakes. She discovers this a little too late, and the car crashes. The last we see of Daniel and Alexis, they are unconscious. Man, Paula Abdul ruins everything. Amanda accidentally reveals Fey's Secret Love Dungeon to Christina, and the two women get locked in there together. They do some boozing and bonding, and when they crack the code to Fey's safe they discover a long held secret -- Fey is Amanda's mother. And then, saddest of all things. Justin fed Joey Colano some walnuts and he broke out in hives, which means that Justin gets to perform the lead in West Side Story. On the way to the show, Santos stops at a convenience store to get a card. And the convenience store is being robbed. And when Santos intervenes to try to take down the masked thief, he is shot. We don't actually see if he is dead or not, but things don't look good. The police come to the Suarez house and find Betty, who has to go to the school play and pull Hilda from the audience. As they talk in the hall, Hilda cries and wails and falls to the floor to the strains of "Somewhere," and Ugly Betty bids us adios for the season.
Previously on Ugly Betty: Santos proposed to Hilda. Alexis paid some thugs to off her father. Wili plotted to take over Meade Publications and succeeded in getting Bradford to divorce Claire. Claire was not so happy about this and seemed like she quite possibly wanted to kill Wili. An out-of-it Henry told Betty that he loved her just before Charlie told her to back off. But no matter; a spiritual journey through Mexico led Betty to decide to fight for her man. And her right to party. But mostly her man. Daniel's seeming addiction to mystery pills left him incompetent at work and vulnerable to getting beat up by drug dealers. Ass. Ignacio was denied his visa, so the rest of the Suarez family returned to the States without him. And nothing occurred that could prepare you for what's about to happen in this final episode of the season. I'm just saying.
We enter with a picture of Betty in full sombrero and Mexican gear leading a mule. What a cheery beginning! I hope no sort of tragedy strikes to alter the mood of this seemingly lighthearted episode. Betty is at the office, leaving an awkward message for Henry. She first goes on about not knowing at what point you can say, "It's me," rather than, "It's Betty," and have the person know who you are. I would say that after someone says "I love you," even if they were somewhat incapacitated while doing so, you don't have to identify yourself by name. Betty wants to talk to Henry, and she tells him to give her a ringle. No, spellcheck, not a ringlet. A ringle. I, myself, would ask for a Pringle. Once you pop, you can't stop, probably because of whatever secretly terrifying chemicals they use to make that delicious salty powder found on the flavored varieties. Mmm, powder that approximates the taste of actual food. How I love thee.
Daniel enters, sporting a bright pink tie. There is nothing that so screams, "I am addicted to a vaguely sinister mystery drug from overseas!" like a bright pink tie. He asks how the trip was, and Betty tells him that there were some complications with her father's visa, but they just talked to the lawyer and Ignacio should be home soon. Daniel calls her "Dora the Explorer" at one point, which I think would be grounds for a lawsuit. Betty tells Daniel that she has a present for him, and pulls a giant sombrero from an even more giant bag. I love the fact that, despite actually being Mexican, Betty still embraces Mexican kitsch. Maybe this is why she doesn't seem to mind when Marc and Amanda call her Juan Valdez? Daniel, in whose whacked-out state that sombrero must look like the spaceship come to take him home, says that Betty shouldn't have. In fact, Betty didn't. The sombrero is for Henry. Daniel gets a mystical rock that is supposed to help him on his journey of enlightenment, or with some discomfort at that time of the month. Betty says that he deserves it, since he's been working so hard to clean himself up.