Ugly Betty

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Meanwhile, black-eyed Daniel peers through Alexis's door, then enters her office. She asks if he's lost again and tells him that his office is two doors down. Daniel, whose stumbling about is matched only by a shirt that is tucked in on one side and -- how do I put this delicately -- back sweat, tells Alexis that he came to say goodbye. She says she'll see him tomorrow, but he says she won't. He quit. She asks what he's babbling about, and he says there's nothing left there. Claire is going to be in jail for who knows how long, and Daniel just heard about Bradford and Wilhelmina, and suspects that they'll have some devil child together. Oooh, that would be a great Season 2 finale twist! Alexis says she's lost. I wonder if she doesn't know about Bradhelmina? Daniel says that the funny thing is that he doesn't have anyone to turn to. He then says that he guesses that's actually not very funny. Well, not ha-ha funny. Alexis tells him, quite correctly, that he's loaded, and he knocks a glass something or other off of her desk and yells, "Oh just admit it! You hate me!" Hasn't she already admitted that, like, twelvefold? And now the Girl Scouts hate him too. Thin Mints have never tasted so bitter.

Daniel continues that he doesn't hate Alexis. In fact, when he thought she was dead, he'd visit her grave every Sunday. He says, "Sometimes I still want to. 'Cause I still miss you." Okay, even though he's a total tool, that got to me a little. And it gets to Alexis. She walks over to him, puts her hand gently on his shoulder, and asks what he took and how many. Daniel says it was seven, and adds that he's taken more in the past, but never with this much booze. See, how is lots of sex worse than this? Nick comes in, and Alexis tells him that she's taking Daniel to Pinecrest and needs a town car, stat. Nick says that it might be a while -- Paula Abdul's fragrance release party is tonight and the town cars are booked solid. One can only imagine that particular fragrance is called, "Eau de Batshit," and smells of red wine that's just starting to get vinegary, with a hint of wet dog. Alexis tells him to run down to the valet and get the keys to her dad's car. Daniel says that he has to go to Paula's party, or she'll hate him too. Dude, she'd get one look at him and think she's in front of a mirror.

Meanwhile, Betty is at Dr. Farkas's, getting the cavity filled. Diane, to whom Betty has obviously told the whole, sad story of her life, says that she thinks Henry was trapped, adding, "You know she poked a hole in that condom!" She offers Betty some nitrous, but Betty says she wants to feel the pain. Diane says that she hates this mystery girl who ruined Betty's life, and asks for her name, so she can hate her with a name. Betty tells her that it's Charlie. Diane says that's funny, because Dr. Farkas has been dating someone named Charlie for about two months. Betty says it can't be the same person, because Charlie's been with Henry. Diane says that Dr. Farkas's Charlie is a cute redhead. Who makes jewelry. Diane shows Betty a hideous bracelet, and Betty knows: it's the same Charlie! No way! And also: cheap, once again. Betty says that she took Dr. Farkas to Charlie's birthday party, and actually introduced them. Diane says that Charlie is a cheater, which makes a really cheap plotline. I mean, seriously. Charlie seemed so nice! It made things way more complex and interesting when she wasn't such a scheming whore. In any case, Betty, who is doubtlessly having heart palpitations, realizes something potentially life-changing: seven months from now, Charlie could actually be giving birth to little Marcus Farkas. In other words, the baby might not be Henry's. Commercials.

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Ugly Betty

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