When we return, we're in the closet, where Amanda and Christina are trying to crack the code to the safe. They've tried Fey's birthday and her address when they finally hit it -- Fey's measurements. Her real measurements, that is, which only Christina knows. Christina takes out a diary. Amanda says, "Ugh, reading?" and tosses it aside. Other than that, there are photos. Christina says, "Who's the fat baby?" and Amanda says it's her. And there are many more photos of Amanda as a child, too. Amanda asks why Fey would have photos of her in her safe. With a gasp, Christina discovers why, as she pulls out a birth certificate saying that Fey is Amanda's mother. Oh my God, please don't tell me that Bradford is her father! Though once a show has tackled sexual reassignment surgery and an illicit affair with an orthodontist, I guess the only logical place to go next is incest.
And then, the storyline I had almost forgotten about! Claire, Yoga, Chartreuse, and Sugar Free are being transferred upstate in an armored car. I just love writing their names all out like that. The night is dark and stormy. We see a candy bar wrapper on the ground, and Sugar Free looks like she's about to die. Claire yells to the driver that they have a situation, and that the diabetic in the car is going into hypoglycemic shock. The driver comes back with the med kit, and Yoga chokes him with her handcuffs while Chartreuse gets his lower half as Claire grabs his gun. "Stop struggling, sir, because this is happening!" she yells. And you know what would be the greatest? If these four were to become the new co-hosts on The View. Are you listening, Babs?
Also on the roadway on this dark and stormy night are Alexis and Daniel. They are en route to the hospital. A panicked Alexis tells Daniel, who keeps nodding off, to stay with her. She says that she never wanted things to end up this way, and that Daniel is her kid brother. A little late for the sentiment, isn't it, Wally Beaver? She wants them to be there for each other again. Daniel wakes from his haze to note that they're going really fast, and should probably slow down. Alexis tries, to no avail, as we see some sort of car wire thingy sparking. Sorry, I don't know anything about cars, especially ones so reminiscent of the Batmobile. Alexis then realizes that the thug she hired cut the brakes on Bradford's car. Well, that scheme certainly backfired, didn't it? Killing your parents is never as easy as you think it's going to be. The car drives out of range of the screen, and we hear Alexis yell, "Oh my God!" right before the sound of a crash.