Ugly Betty

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East Side Story

Meanwhile, Betty is pacing in the closet, stuffing her face with chocolates and telling Christina about the drama with Henry. She's waiting for Henry's call, and is particularly anxious because Charlie's flight for Tucson leaves tonight. Christina says soothingly, "Betty, just because she's pregnant doesn't mean he's going to get back with the whore." Hee. Betty gets a text message from Henry, asking if they can talk, and then she scurries off. As Christina tries a chocolate, Amanda exits The Secret Love Dungeon. Christina turns around to see Amanda standing in front of the shoe rack, and asks where she came from. Amanda, genius that she is, replies, "Ummm. Nowhere." Christina says that she wasn't there a second ago, and Amanda slurs, "Yes I was. How drunk are you?" And then she totally leans onto the hook that opens TSLD. Nice going!

Both women enter, with Christina expressing disbelief that Fey's Secret Love Dungeon is real, and Amanda lamenting that her secret place has been ruined. Christina spits, "Oh, please, your special place was ruined years ago." Hey, everyone has to go to summer camp sometime, okay? Amanda tells Christina to get out and tries to open the doors, but it turns out they're stuck shut. D'oh! The women pound on the doors and yell for help. The mannequins, free of being stuck with pins for the foreseeable future, laugh mirthlessly.

Cut to Bradford's office. He has just told Daniel that he's divorcing Claire, and Daniel can't believe that he's doing so after thirty years of marriage, and when Claire needs him more than ever. Daniel says, "For what? So you can be alone?" Daniel is, like, forty watts, max. Bradford says he doesn't intend to be alone, adding that he's been lucky enough to find someone who loves him, and he'd be a fool to pass that by. Well, I guess Daniel comes by his stupidity honestly. Daniel asks who it is, and Wilhelmina stalks out of the shadows. She adds a sinister, "Call me mommy," for good measure. Ew, I bet she tells Bradford to call her mommy, too. Gag.

Meanwhile, it is sad times for Betty. Henry's going back to Tucson with the whore. He grew up without a father, and he can't do the same thing to his child. So instead, he will endure a life of bitter defeat and despair that psychologically scars both himself and all his progeny. Awesome. Betty gets why he's doing it, but says that for one day she thought they.... She trails off, but were she to continue that sentence, I suspect it would end, "were totally boyfriend-girlfriend." She says she was happy, and Henry responds in turn. Oh, le sad! But nothing is easy when your nickname is "ugly." I have to say though, that either I'm getting used to Betty's wardrobe or her sweater vests are getting cuter. Given that Henry and Charlie are leaving for Tucson tonight, this is his and Betty's last goodbye. And we all hate to feel the love between them die. Henry hopes that Betty has a wonderful life, because she deserves it. Instead of yelling, "Try wearing a freakin' condom once in a while, sperminator!" Betty succumbs to a lingering yet non-slobbery kiss. With the city behind them, the two bid each other adieu. Henry goes off with that steel-rod-in-the-spine walk of his, and we and Betty are left to ponder all the ways in which life equals suffering as we head to commercials.

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Ugly Betty

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