Ugly Betty

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Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
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'Til We Have Prada

Coach Tony and Hilda are eating hotdogs and walking like the cheating scum that they are. "What's more romantic than lunch on foot with a view of Riker's Island?" Hilda jokes, but like: ANYTHING. Tony asks her out on a "real" date, explaining that his wife is going to be out of town, which of course irritates and insults Hilda. God love her, but the girl's appetite for delusion rivals anyone's. It's her least attractive trait, and sometimes -- ghost of Santos, anyone? -- frankly creepy. Like it's so gross of Tony to mention the fact that the logistical hump that is his wife will be absenting herself from their gross threesome for a second. She makes him promise that they have a real future together, thus rendering said promise null and void, so he gives it, swearing that she's not the "other" woman, she's the "only" woman. And the whole thing, while believable, is so yucky that the only feeling I can muster up is sadness that Cibrian's never going to be a regular because: how on earth do you come back from that? You don't.

Alexis meets with Wili and proceeds to bring up each one of Daniel's notes; reserving particular scorn for the cover image: an unrecognizable and "arty" image of Angelina Jolie in a block of ice. Wilhelmina, amateur graphologist, immediately discerns that the notes in question -- bearing "the rounded o's of a stunted adolescent" and "the stiff t's of someone who's clearly overcompensating" -- are from Daniel. "J'accuse!" shouts Mark, in case you forgot he exists. Alexis admits that they're from Daniel, but presses forward about how Wili's premiere issue needs all the help it can get. Wili laughs at Alexis's mention of the Woman On The Street feature: "We shouldn't be taking pictures of them, we should be throwing rocks at them!" That's probably the best part of the episode. Alexis once again cautions her to check out the notes, but Wili's one step ahead and realizes this is all Betty Suarez's fault. Whether by dim kindness or serious machination, Betty's taken step one for getting Daniel back into Mode. She sends Mark to knock a burrito out of Betty's hand and summon her to a lunch meeting.

At lunch, Wili immediately plays the usual minority card in a seriously dorky way, about how they're just "two women of color out for a fancy lunch on the town. Isn't this fun, girlfriend? And that blouse is heaven! Where did you get it? I love it!" Betty sighs and Wili admits that it's "hideous, like driving through Ohio." Wili is on tonight! She asks Betty for help with some bullshitty eponymous filing confusion, and Betty says she'll ask for time off from Player to come help her, because Betty rules. Wilhelmina's sights for Betty are set a little higher: return to Mode as assistant to the Editor In Chief. Which admittedly is a six-word résumé that would do anything for you. Betty points out that she would never leave Daniel, and that Wilhelmina is an untrustable psychotic, and Wili cheers both her "loyalty" and her "suspicion," saying that Betty would never have to do anything wrong, ugly or morally suspect: "That's what Mark is for!" she says brightly, and tells her to think before throwing away her future at Player.

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Ugly Betty

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