Ugly Betty

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
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'Til We Have Prada

Betty tries to apologize for speaking out of turn, but Wili ignores her and immediately sends her on the Miranda Priestly/Till We Have Faces jaunt, up to and including one of Catherine the Great's wedding tiaras in lieu of the new Harry Potter for the twins, since her only baby is growing in a costumer's pickled womb and will be too evil to like anything good. Betty asks a bunch of questions and Wili refuses to answer them, blah blah, sort these seeds and grab some fleece, it took three years for this Devil to Wear Prada, and apparently thirty minutes to resolve it. Which, again, bums me out, because wouldn't you like to see Wilhelmina play vengeful Aphrodite a while longer? She's earned it.

DJ and Daniel play catch in the park and do a lot of Dora Exploring, including an awesome conversation about how DJ can't go to a hooker until he's older; Daniel stutters for awhile before bringing up grandmère and grandpère. DJ says he does love them, and would like to visit them, but this isn't definitive enough an answer to the question Daniel still hasn't summoned the nuts to actually ask, plus he's not sure if it wouldn't be easier if DJ left, etc. DJ waits for the grilling to resume, then asks if he's done talking. Daniel takes the out.

Even the music plays homage to Devil as Betty complains about Wili paying her back for the "save" with crazy makeup lady with yet more bullshit. Christina says the worst thing she might do is beat Betty with a car antenna, which she's always thought was an urban legend anyway, and then avoids answering the phone because her horrible drug-addicted Stuart is on the line with his stupid cancer. (Love the actor, hate the character, hate the storyline.) She shows Betty his very nasty comb full of hair, and Betty wigs, because it's gross but it doesn't mean he's on drugs, and get that out of her face. Christina says she's sending it to a lab to prove his drug use, and they talk about how Betty can't let Wili down or get fired, because... What purpose does Christina serve? She's nice to look at. I hate this story. I wish she would miscarry or something. Not die, necessarily, but just become something more interesting than some poor man's Fairy Godmother with evil spawn inside her. Doesn't it feel like she's been pregnant since you were a little kid?

Betty heads to the museum and stares at the ugly crown and gets shit on three times, fairytale/myth style, as far as the possibility of her renting it for the night of Wili's debut issue party. Some lady starts crying randomly, but she's the third one, so you have to be nice to her. Lovely Amanda and Mark discuss how lucky he is to have "such feminine fingers," perfect for injecting Wili's Botox, and when Betty shows up from her short mythic journey, Mark calls her "Betty the Mediocre." They laugh about all the hoops she had to jump through, and then she produces the tiara -- the third guardian just got dumped because she gained weight, and needed a friendly, ugly shoulder to cry on. "You got it by being nice to someone?" asks Mark, because the only fairytale he knows is... Too easy.

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Ugly Betty

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