Ugly Betty

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Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
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'Til We Have Prada

Betty sends somebody down to an Italian restaurant in the building, yelling that she doesn't care if the girl has to buy every pizza in the place, they need somewhere to store it until the party. She lectures Amanda and Mark to "stop poofing around," because Wili is going to freak out, and they suck helium, chipmunking at her about how "Why don't you fucking tell me how Wilhelmina gets," and it's hilarious. New duty for Betty, on top of everything: to shred about a hundred pounds of old mail into confetti. Mark looks, by the way, totally beautiful in his monochromatic outfit and long silk scarf, as does Amanda. I like the New Mode style if only because everybody looks so good in the cold. He notes that loyalty is neither Wili's thing nor is it Betty's, and in fact he's noting all kinds of similarities: "Is that why you dumped Daniel the second he got in the way of your career? That's exactly what Wilhelmina would have done."

Betty steps out of the elevator on her way to do whatever, and starts hallucinating. As we often do at work. The quotes comparing Betty and Wili from everybody in all the scenes so far kind of overlap crazily and she suddenly imagines herself as a total Slater 2.0, down to the gown and necklace and hair. It's freaky. She demands "carrot shavings" because she's "feeling snacky," and then yells at some randoms, "Look at me when I'm Yelling at you! ...Don't look at me!" She tells a guy with jacked-up teeth to get his teeth fixed, some other girl to stop eating a donut, and a third to lose ten pounds. Then she fires all of them. Daniel comes in looking homeless and trying to remind her of how much they love each other, and she has him taken out by security. Then she kicks a puppy, then wakes up screaming ("Not the puppy!") at her desk. That ... could have been easily fifty times better. Whatever. She picks up some mail to shred it, and freaks out because they're all addressed to Daniel and contain something surprising.

Justin's wearing a different tank and super skinny jeans, and takes issue with Hilda's date outfit, which contains both leopard and zebra print. After all, he says, "They fight each other in the wild!" Ignacio tells her she deserves a nice date with a nice hot guy, and she attempts to hope good things for herself while still feeling super gross. I've always found the best way to clear your conscience is to not do awful nasty things, like, you tell the guy to leave his wife or else, and then they leave their wife or they don't, but either way you're not part of something gross and it's not your problem -- and most importantly, you're not being a total cliché, which honestly is probably most of why I'm icked out by this: how old do you have to be before you realize that things are clichés because people are stupid, and you are stupid for doing the clichéd thing, and you can't laugh your way out of that? If you don't want to be "that girl," stop doing the thing that makes you that girl, because you automatically are. No matter how special you think you are or how you've argued your way out of it inside your own head, if you do the clichéd thing you are the cliché, and you need to get real. Sometimes it really is that simple.

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Ugly Betty

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