Previously: Justin started engaging in some odd behavior following Santos's death; Henry found out the truth about Charlie's cheating ways and decided to get a paternity test to see if he's going to be a baby daddy; Betty decided to enroll in a writing class; Ignacio made it home; and Potes collapsed after trying to fit so much plot into a weecap and still squeeze in a funny line or two.
We open in Betty's writing class, where a young man ends his story by telling how a girl left one morning with his heart in her backpack. This reminds me of when my college a capella group recorded a CD, and in the studio we found another project that was being recorded at the same time. I don't remember the name of the band, but the album was most certainly titled Suitcase Full Of Pain. Awesome. Do you think you could carry that on, or would you have to check it? Betty, ever the good-hearted nerd, starts clapping. She is the only one to do so. Her professor, who is played by none other than Mr. Victor Garber, singles her out and asks why she liked the story. Betty thought it was sweet, and says she felt the writer's pain. Victor Garber felt fingernails on a chalkboard, which he sees fit to demonstrate. Betty -- a fuchsia bubble with a troll pen in a sea of black and grey -- garners the nickname "Clappy." If she were an eighteenth-century French prostitute, this moniker would be even more pointed. Her assignment for the following week is to write a thousand words on her most defining moment. Victor Garber eagerly awaits the opportunity to eat Betty alive.
At home, Betty tells Ignacio, who is cooking some eggs -- could the girls not give him a break one morning after he survived Mexican trauma? -- how mean her professor is by comparing him to Simon Cowell, but with a Pulitzer. She says that she has to be good -- and not just America Ferrera lookalike Jordin Sparks good, but Kelly Clarkson good. Nice reference. Betty says that this writing class is Phase 1 of her career. Phase 5, of course, is running her own magazine. If she can't get through the class, she says, her whole career is out the window. Ignacio is supportive and Hilda is boobalicious, as usual. Betty notes that she sent her story to Daniel, presumably because he has a history of being ever so helpful. Meanwhile, Justin comes down in Santos's old bad-ass leather jacket. He chugs milk from the carton, belches, and admits to failing his Algebra test. The path to machismo begins with bad manners and duncehood. Hilda defends him, to the chagrin of Betty and Ignacio.