Ugly Betty

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How Betty Got Her Grieve Back

Cut to Betty at the hospital, who doesn't have a concussion but does have to wear an eye patch. Pirate Betty! Henry would be getting so hot right about now. The doctor tells her to slow down, as her heart rate and blood pressure are a little high. Betty has to get to Ignacio's lawyer's office and rushes out the door.

Back at Case de Old-Ass Foursome, Amanda learns that she's adopted and mows on some candy. It's just like that girl who found out that Joni Mitchell was her mom! Except I don't even want to know what Big Yellow Taxi is code for with these guys. Amanda yells that she can never trust her parents again and storms out.

At the hospital, Daniel chases off a paparazzi outside Alexis's ICU room. The nurse asks Daniel if he wants to see her, as he comes there every day and looks through the window. Daniel says he can't, and asks for his medication.

In the elevator at Mode, Marc and Amanda wonder who her real father is, with Marc noting that Fey was a hoochie in a bob. Anna Wintour has a needlepoint with that phrase hanging in her bathroom. Bradford enters the elevator, and a light bulb goes off in Marc's head. What kind of incestuous behavior that light bulb might illuminate is another matter entirely. Amanda is as grossed out as we are that she might have had lots of sex with her half-brother Daniel, but Marc thinks it's kind of hot. Before things get all Flowers in the Attic, Marc suggests getting some evidence in the form of Bradford's DNA. This is just like one big episode of Maury, isn't it?

Meanwhile, Betty was late to the appointment with the lawyer, and has to reschedule. She talks to Ignacio, who seems to have gotten hair plugs while in Mexico. Betty then gets a phone call from Justin's camp counselor and learns that he's taken off, due to the culturally insensitive and amateurish Indian dream-catchers they were making. He wasn't in such a rush that he didn't have the presence of mind to take a bottle of glitter, though. Just when it seems that things couldn't get any worse, a pigeon lands on Betty's shoulder. Tuppence a bag, baby. Tuppence a bag.

Back at Casa de Suarez, Santos wants to elope. Hilda won't, since Ignacio would want to walk her down the aisle. Santos then asks to see her in her wedding dress. He figures that he just got shot, so their luck can't get much worse. In other Suarez family happenings, Justin sneaks into the Mode offices.

Amanda tries to get Bradford to lick an envelope, only to get foiled by Betty. Betty herself is foiled, though, as she sees a rotting bunch of pink gerbera daisies at the reception desk. Amanda tells her they came a few weeks ago, and notes that she's been going through a lot the past few weeks. The flowers, of course, are from Henry, with a simple "thinking of you" message. We cut to the natural-disaster-victim makeover shoot, where each of the victims wears a shirt that reads, "Fire," "Flood," "Famine," et cetera. Ileana Douglass asks Betty which disaster she is. Betty freaks out and goes on a rant about how there's not enough styling gel at the Mode HQ to change the fact that the women there have lost everything. I guess Betty needs a shirt that reads, "Devious Ex-Girlfriend."

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Ugly Betty

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