Previously: Betty accidentally heard Wili and her bodyguard bumping pretties, but Wili bought her silence with a promise to get Ignacio his citizenship. Claire and her BFF/fellow prison escapee Yoga hatched a plan to head to Italy after seeing Wili, Bradford, and the kids looking like a happy family from afar. Wili's nuptials to Bradford were first halted when Betty arrived and told Daniel about her affair, and then halted again when Daniel told Bradford about the affair, and then halted for good when Bradford had a heart attack. I'm surprised a bird didn't fly into St. Patrick's and poop on Wili's Vera Wang, the way her luck's been going.
We begin with Suzuki St. Pierre on Fashion TV, telling us that there's no news on Bradford's condition, but there's plenty of gossip and innuendo. Cut to the hospital, where Betty bumps into Alexis, who tells her that Bradford had a massive heart attack and is still unconscious. Daniel calls Alexis in to talk to the doctor, and then walks right by Betty to thank some anonymous staffer for being there. Douché! Betty tells Christina that Daniel hates her, and that she's really fired. The only thing left to do is clean out her desk.
Cut to Mode, where we meet Mo'Nique, a.k.a. LaManda, the weekend security officer. I half expect her to call Betty "Buckwild" and make her put on some knee socks. LaManda is apparently already intimately familiar with Henry, and a lot of that familiarity has taken place in her naughty dreams. Betty says Henry is her boyfriend, but this does not prevent LaManda from saying that she likes to call Henry "Sugar Stick" and wants to lick him. She asks if Betty does the same, and Betty acknowledges that they kiss...and do other things. Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee no mental visuals! Betty tells LaManda that she was fired and is there to clean out her desk. Sugar Stick doesn't know yet, and LaManda thinks that she might have a shot, because a man likes a woman with a job. "Henry and LaManda" has a certain "Joanie Loves Chachi" ring to it, doesn't it?
At her desk, Betty comes face to face with her Guadalajara poncho-wearing former self, and wonders if she's dead. She's not; this is just an opportunity to interface with Betty from the past. Past Betty -- who's like the Cathy to Betty's Patty Duke, but with better split-screen technology and worse hair -- wants to know if Present Betty is running the magazine yet. It pains Present Betty to admit that she's been disgraced and fired. Past Betty can't believe that Present Betty both broke into an apartment to steal something and lied to Daniel, and says she barely recognizes her except for the braces. And, one might suppose, the eyebrows. Present Betty says that she hasn't changed, but Past Betty tells her she can't imagine doing the things they're doing, because they're not that kind of girl. She says that if it's so hard to be a good person at Mode, then maybe it's good that they're leaving. Christina enters, and Past Betty disappears, thank goodness. Christina acknowledges that it's hard not to change when you work at Mode, and that the place does something to you. My work environment does something to me, which is put me in a catatonic state of boredom that is only surmounted by a twice-daily trip to the vending machine. Oh Twix, my chocolatey caramel-filled cookie crunch savior.