Previously on Ugly Betty: Ignacio accused Constance, his INS case worker, of stalking. In return, she put him under house arrest, which I've always found is the best way to prove to someone that you're totally not stalking them. Christina tried to resist becoming part of Wilhelmina's dastardly crew, but was told in no short order by the Wicked Witch herself not to try crossing her. Claire turned herself in for Fey's murder, and, even while detoxing, she resisted Wili's ploys to try to gain control of Mode. She did it all for her children, but at least one of them showed a distinct lack of appreciation. Daniel, having been bested by Alexis yet again, decided that he didn't even want control of the magazine, because he has a lot of partying to catch up on. This ought to end well.

We begin with Amanda doodling a rather remarkable, yet mean, likeness of Betty on her desk. Amanda says that she was just thinking about Betty, which Betty thinks is nice. Man, she should know better by now. After Betty leaves, Amanda says, "Wow, they're even bigger than I remember," and adds some girth to the eyebrows of doodle-Betty. Betty takes to her desk, where she has to field a lot of calls for an absent Daniel. Courtesy of a split screen, we see that while she tells someone that he's in a breakfast meeting, he's pouring wax on a woman's stomach. Right in the belly button, too! Maybe he's trying to make a votive. While a frantic Betty tells someone that Daniel is all tied up, we see that he is -- in leopard print restraints. Betty finally leaves a message for Daniel, telling him that Alexis is totally running the company and that he needs to get in the office. She ends by asking him to pick up if he's there, and finally saying, "I guess you're out." We see that he is, in fact, passed out. Boozing and hot sex will do that to you, or so I hear.

Meanwhile, a little Truman Capote lookalike in a red hat is poking around in Daniel's office. Betty comes in and asks if she can help him. The little man says that he's just looking around at the inner sanctum of the feckless prince, and adds, "As the empire dissolves, even the cushion on the bone-white chaise sags with defeat." Tough talk from Jowly McMarmaduke. Betty realizes that this man is Quincy Combs, who is writing a sleazy tell-all book about the Meades. Quincy responds, "Oh, it's a critic, too." I'm going to have to start referring to people as "it" to their faces more often. It packs a punch. Quincy begins to ask Betty about a blind item about a certain magazine editor found humping under the Peter Pan statue. Oh my God, Daniel has even gotten into Tinkerbell's Tinkerbell. Are there no limits to his madness? Betty quickly says that it wasn't Daniel in a manner indicating that it totally was. She then grabs Quincy's arm and forces him out, telling him that she bites, too. He says that Betty may be the beast who guards the gate, but that she shouldn't underestimate him -- he's taken down kings, presidents, the electric car. Daniel Meade does not stand a chance against him, Quincy says. Betty shouts at him to go, but looks worried.