Ugly Betty

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Queens For A Day

At home, Betty is ripping eyebrows out of magazines and sticking them over her own. Oh, praise God, she's going to address the Brow Issue. Her father comes into the bathroom and wonders what she's doing. "I work in an office full of glamazon women who are six feet tall and perfectly waxed. That's what's going on," Betty tells him. "'Glamazon'?" Papa Suarez repeats. "Never mind," Betty says, sadly. Her father hugs her, and this is where we learn that it is more important to be beautiful on the inside than on the outside. Hilda watches this touching father/daughter moment, and smiles. You can tell Betty doesn't really buy this beauty inside/frumpy outside theory, but we know from the plinking piano music in the background that it must be true. Betty reminds her dad to take his heart medicine, and he grouses as he walks offscreen. "See?" Hilda says, raising her brows. "Shut up. Just help me," Betty retorts.

Oh dear. And now it's time for the makeover, which does not, I hate to tell you, end in a heartwarming shot of Betty now looking like America Ferrera (i.e., way cuter). Instead, Hilda drags Betty to the salon of a flashy, tacky-fantastic woman named "Choly." Because this show loves a cross-cutting montage, while Choly and her staff are examining Betty (Choly, it must be said, looks taken aback at how much work she must do on poor Betty's brows), Wilhelmina is getting her hair attended to in a very posh salon, the sort that gives you champagne.

Betty shows Choly a picture of, I think, Salma Hayek, and inquires doubtfully as to whether Choly can make her look like that. Choly tells her to relax, "and let Choly do her thing." She then leans over and tells her assistant to get the big tweezers.

As Wilhelmina serenely submits to having her brows threaded, Betty screams as hers are waxed. Oh, honey, just be glad you're not getting a Brazilian.

As Wilhelmina gets a massage and guzzles champers, Betty giggles as the pedicurist vigorously scrubs the bottom of her feet. I admit, I do that too: both the champagne guzzling and the giggling. I am a very ticklish person. A ticklish, alcoholic person.

As Wilhelmina admires her new sleek look -- which is very similar to her old sleek look -- Betty chokes on Aqua Net. Yes, hold your breath when they're spraying chemicals in your face, dear. God, she does need a mother figure.

And finally, while Wilhelmina emerges looking fab, Betty looks incredibly flashy. Her brows look mildly better, but there is...well, it seems to be a beehive involved. As well as huge, Bedazzled acrylic nails. And what look like rhinestones stuck along her eyelash line. Frankly, I'm concerned that Justin may have a heart attack when he sees her.

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Ugly Betty

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