Previously on Ugly Betty: Bradford loves soft, supple, womanly feet, and Wilhelmina loves the idea of getting her hands on Mode, so the two totally started doing it. However, he told her in no uncertain terms that he's not going to divorce Claire, leaving her no choice but to out-devious even herself. Bradford paid a hunky Brazilian dude to seduce Alexis and try to get her out of the country. It's pretty dastardly, but at least it allowed Alexis to finally try out her lady parts. Betty told Daniel that she thinks he's a sex addict, and Charlie came off the elevator at just the right time to realize that Henry is a Betty addict. And as if all this weren't enough, it looks like Ignacio is getting sent back to Mexico.
We open with Betty in curlers, telling someone that $1200 is a ridiculous price for a ticket to Guadalajara. Turns out she's at the Cosmetology Institute, where Hilda grabs the phone and yells that they can't afford that. Betty tells the person on the other end of the phone that she does not want the package deal to Acapulco, and that her father is getting sent back to Mexico to wait for his visa. She should try Priceline, although then, Ignacio might ending up going back to the old country on the back of La Cucaracha.
A woman with an attitude asks Hilda if she's still working on Betty's nails, and tells her that the final exam will be timed. This is Valerie, and she has one big hair-pouf on the side of her head, kind of like a Pointer Sister. Hilda goes to her and says that she's having some family problems. Valerie Pointer could give a rat. She says she doesn't want Hilda's excuses -- she wants her commitment to beauty. Hilda says, "What does thiiiiis...look like?" in a really hilarious manner, but Valerie is not amused. She fakes Hilda out into thinking that she's interested in her life by asking about her engagement ring, but really, she wants her to lose it. She also says that Hilda can't do a manicure with the claws that she is currently sporting. She tells Hilda to cut them before tomorrow's exam, or she'll fail. No! It's like Samson's hair! Don't do it, Hilda! Hilda walks back to Betty and says that Valerie is 130 pounds of bitch. Valerie pops from behind a mirror and asks what Hilda said, and Hilda meekly says, "One hundred and twenty." Valerie's ten pounds of ego are satisfied.
Hilda asks Betty if they can call travel agents in the evening and offers to cancel her date with Santos. Betty says that she can't be there that night. There's a Mode party for Administrative Professionals' Day. Hilda asks if she means Secretaries' Day, and Betty helpfully tells us that in 1998, they changed it to Administrative Professionals' Day. I feel like this must have been a result of Bill Clinton's attempt to coerce Betty Currie into lying about all the doings in the Oval Office. Anyway, the Mode assistants are going to The Middle Ages, a theme restaurant in Times Square. Hilda asks skeptically if the snobby Mode assistants really like that place, and Betty says that they love it, because it is part of their yearly theme of picking a place where they can go make fun of the common people. The year before, it was a roller disco in the Bronx. "Wheels Of Paradise; I love that place!" says Hilda. And so does Betty. And so would I. Throw in bowling and karaoke, and I'll meet you there in ten minutes. Betty says that she has to be at the event that night, because she planned it, and she has to make sure that everything goes okay. Hilda says that, given that it's AP Day, maybe Daniel will give Betty a big bonus, and it will be enough to buy Ignacio's ticket. Yes, and Valerie will ask her to participate in an "I'm So Excited" remake with Chingy and Justin Timberlake, featuring The Pussycat Dolls. It ain't happening.