Back in Queens, Hilda dramatically holds a pair of clippers above her giant nails. Justin rushes in and yells for her not to do it. He says that Barbra didn't cut her nails for Yentl, so why should Hilda? Papa, I can hear your logic loud and clear. Hilda says that if she doesn't cut them, Valerie will fail her. Justin says that if that's the case, Valerie is a disgrace to cosmetology. He adds that Valerie is Hilda's Mr. Weaver, the drama teacher who relegated Justin to Tony's understudy in West Side Story. One day, when he accepts his Tony, Justin is going to thank Mr. Weaver for teaching him how to deal with rejection. Or, he'll yell that Mr. Weaver, rotting on a slope somewhere in Queens, can kiss his ass. Either way. Justin says that Hilda is an adult and can do what she wants. Hilda enthusiastically yells, "Yeah! Screw that place! I quit!" and throws her clippers across the room. What, does Justin not want to give up his free or reduced lunch? Always advocate on the side of money, kid.
Meanwhile, in the pokey, Alexis visits Claire. Claire's face is all bruised, and when Alexis asks about it, Claire says that it was from yoga. Alexis asks if Claire's okay, and Claire says that jail is cake compared to all her rehabs. It is true that Hasselhoff can get a little handsy sometimes. At least in jail, says Claire, you can score a decent glass of toilet wine. I don't even want to know. In more pleasant matters, Alexis tells Claire that she thinks she's falling for Rodrigo, and that he's asked her to move to Rio. Claire asks what Alexis wants, and Alexis says that she doesn't know. Claire tells her that as hard as it's been with Bradford, they've always stood by each other. On feet unblemished by a single callus or corn. If Alexis has found that with someone, says Claire, she should follow him wherever he goes. She only asks that Alexis not disappear completely again. Alexis says that she won't, then she leaves. I mean, Jesus, are you so sexed up that you can't hang out with your mom for ten minutes? Put it away and chat for a while. Claire looks sad when Alexis leaves, and even sadder when a muscled tough named Yoga comes up and tells Claire that she's in Yoga's seat. Please let there be a Pilates equivalent waiting for Paris Hilton. At least she's already used to the toilet wine.