Ugly Betty

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Secretaries Day

And then, we cut to the Mode assistants, who are ready to enjoy an evening of merriment at the Ren-fair-esque Middle Ages. Betty spies the giant robot horse, and Christina tells her that as soon as Betty tackles that, she can attack something in a codpiece. Betty says that this will be the easiest $1,000 she's ever earned, and then a giant guy lands at her feet, courtesy of the giant robot horse's throw. Christina says, "I think thou might be screwed," as we head to ye olde commercials.

When we return, Hilda is trying to angle a cheaper ticket for Ignacio. She offers to put him in a pet carrier. What if someone is allergic to illegal immigrants? Hilda berates the person on the other end of the phone and hangs up. Ignacio then tells her that he doesn't have to go. He's been here for thirty years, and he can stay if he wants to. Hilda reads off of some official-looking document that Ignacio has to return to his country of origin and enter the U.S. legally. Today! Today! Today! Ignacio says that they don't have the money, and that this isn't Hilda's problem or Betty's -- it's his. And he's not going. You know, I think Betty should take some of that tough denial talk home from the office.

Meanwhile, Marc and Amanda enter The Middle Ages. Nick comes in beside them and says, "This is so gay." Marc turns to him and says, "No, it's not." Seriously, if this were gay, there would be many more sequins and go-go jousting. Marc and Amanda turn their attention to the welcome DVD. A wench comes skipping out, and...it's not Amanda. Marc thinks this is good news, but Amanda is upset about being replaced by a younger wench. She says that she's going nowhere at Mode, and now she's apparently too old to be a wench. How long, she asks, before she's too old to be a receptionist? Amanda has obviously never been to any other office anywhere. Today, she says, she's eye candy, but tomorrow, she'll be old hard candy covered in lint. Ooh, linty Velamints. That's exactly what the old receptionist would eat. She starts shoving some fried goods into her face. Marc asks if she's having a stroke, and through a mouthful of food she replies, "Maybe. I'm old enough." Hee!

Meanwhile, the giant robot horse claims another victim, and Betty is distressed. Christina notes that if there's a drinking contest, she has that down. Friendly, but unhelpful in this situation. Just then, Betty's phone rings. It's Hilda, who tells her to come home immediately because Ignacio is freaking out. Ignacio calmly says that he's not freaking out, but Hilda repeats that he's freaking out and is threatening to go to Mexico, and she needs Betty to come talk some sense into him. He's just going to give up, says Hilda. Betty says to tell him that she's coming home, and she's bringing the money for his ticket. Maybe she's going to try to sell her body? No, that would probably yield even less than the robot horse.

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Ugly Betty

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