This will be my last weecap of this show, the very simple reason being that it is incredibly difficult to write about a show if you're refusing to watch it. Although writing about this show in particular without actually watching it would be sort of apropos, since this season -- at whose halfway point we now are -- has been like watching somebody blindfolded assembling episodes of Ugly Betty following the oral instructions of somebody else. Somebody who's actually seen the show, but is maybe not so gifted at verbal communication. Even though Fred Allen performed with a ventriloquist's dummy, which is usually a dealbreaker for me, he got a few things right. "Television is a medium because anything well done is rare." I see what you did there, Fred Allen. I read you loud and clear.
During an Elliott Smith interlude that seems to last two weeks, which is how long narratively it does, we learn that Ignacio's not even dead, just malingering on the couch and looking even more like a scary old woman than usual. The girls hector him and climb around on his ass bothering him and treating every sniffle like it's the harbinger of doom and not, you know, a thing that happens. Q: What is Ignacio currently refusing to die from? A: Myocardial infarction. Solution? Quadruple bypass. Because you can't just have a common surgery on this show, you have to have all four of them, to prove how deadly serious it is that Betty has an apartment and a job and a life of her own as a grown-ass woman. How much of a bitch is Betty for having dreams and making them come true? Quadruple amount of bitch, that's what.
Because one of the themes of this episode is that Ignacio is apparently a doddering old senile freak who can't manage to tie his shoelaces and thus must never be left to his own devices, Hilda and Betty chase each other around the apartment talking about how they keep seeing this bluebird out the window, which is code for not talking about finances or matters of importance in front of Ignacio. Also dumb. He repeatedly explains to them that they are not fooling him, just lying and patronizing like big old assholes, but they don't care. Whoever wrote this piece of crap actually thinks this is hilarious, and it happens about thirty times throughout the episode: "Did you hear that bluebird?" "Yeah, I think I saw it in the kitchen." It's not funny, it's just dumb. It comes from nowhere and goes nowhere.
Oh, and Betty keeps leaving obnoxious post-its everywhere instructing Hilda about basic shit. Hilda just can't handle the fact that Betty is trying to make sure all the bases are covered, but then it turns out that Hilda actually is pulling some Betty business of her own, wanting to do more stupid shit for her boutique, and Ignacio gets in the way of that, but since this show is evil that makes Hilda a jerk, too. It sounds more complex than it is. Basically: if you want anything, do anything, have any skills or abilities for which you think you should be compensated with a career and a place to live, you're an asshole. Particularly if you're a woman. If you're a woman, you might as well just climb in bed with your parents and never leave, because if you do anything else, you're disgusting. Oh, and if you're a woman with any kind of business savvy at all, you probably will completely lose your mind and start acting like you're on meth the first time you see a dick. And if you're a gay man, you're asking? To which I respond, A what?