Ugly Betty
Sisters On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: F | Grade It Now!
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TV Is A Medium

Amanda throws herself on Betty when she finally gets home: "Betty! Oh my God, you look fantastic! How many times did I tell you to stop eating that fatty Mexican food? You are too young to have a heart attack!" Heh. She continues to attack Betty for making her worry, which would by funnier/make more sense if she hadn't been gone for two entire weeks, and then remembers to pretend to be concerned about Ignacio, and then informs Betty that while she was gone Amanda allowed the house to fall into such disrepair that they now have roaches, with whom Amanda has reached a d├ętente. "At first I was scared, and then I tried naming them... That's Little Betty. She's just like you: a survivor." And then, I think, we are to assume that everyone at Mode took a two-week unpaid vacation, which is either verrrrrry convenient or it's just the case that they literally shut down the entire magazine while Betty was off doing the important lifesaving work of watching her Dad lie on a couch and talking about that fucking bluebird.

Molly and Daniel spent the holiday sunning on beaches and running into effing Speidi all over the place. Which would be funny? Except really it's just setup for the "payoff" of Connor finding out that Molly ... went to a beach. After they mutually broke up with each other. Scandalous! Daniel lets drop a joke intended to make us believe that he watches The Hills, but it's so generic and clueless that it's clearly written by someone who has never seen the show, so it's lame in a whole other way. Mabius you should thinkius about leaving this crappy showius. They talk about how Connor is going to freak out that they're together, and pretend that they actually care about that at all, but as lazily as they've done everything else since they met. "A picture of Connor. Look." "I know. Should we tell him that we are dating?" "I don't really care one way or the other." "I love you because of your pectoral muscles." "Oh. I love you because your hair is yellow."

Betty throws her arms around Daniel when she sees him, because he's a better family to her than anyone else on this show, and they talk about how he sent Ignacio twelve dozen flowers. He gives her the vacation photos that he was just discussing with Molly how they should never fall into the wrong hands, and then Wilhelmina comes in with different photos so that Betty can mix them up, obviously, from the Halston cover from last week. If you care enough to even remember that there have been episodes before this one you're currently watching, which -- if you do care enough to have seen the show before, and are cognizant enough to remember what it was like -- I daresay this is the week you just stop watching this bullshit altogether, and invite you to join me in deleting it from our DVRs and TiVos as a group. And then as a group pouring salt and ashes directly into our DVRs and TiVos, so that no offensive, brainless, hateful piece of crap like this will ever grow there again.

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Ugly Betty

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