Ugly Betty

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Something Wicked This Way Comes

Back at the office, Marc is giving Wili details of her wedding-day beauty appointments as she gnaws a chicken leg. Cliff shows up with dinner for two, which Wili summarily takes with a note to Marc to give Cliff five dollars for a haircut. Marc tells Cliff that Wili treats all white people like slaves -- something about payback. Amanda pops in, and there is an awkward moment before Marc introduces Cliff as his "friend." Cliff is outraged, and tells Amanda he is -- or was -- Marc's boyfriend. He tells Marc that he's pathetic, and that he has too much self-respect to put up with this. Instead, he's going home to binge on pasta. He could also insult Marc's pickle and tell him to suck it, but apparently he has too much class for those kinds of shenanigans.

Back at the theater, Gio slips an arm around Betty's shoulder arguing that, after all, he's pretending to be her boyfriend. Either he hasn't gone in for the boob graze yet, or Betty just hasn't noticed it. Antonella points out to Henry that Gio is totally macking on Betty, and Henry sends her a text that simply says, "Lobby. Now."

Once out of the theatre, Henry gives Betty the third degree. She says that this isn't the date she wanted to have, and Henry retorts that she sure does seem to be enjoying it. Hold up there, Mr. Sperminator. Betty correctly points out that he got another girl pregnant and has no right to be jealous. And then Henry also correctly points out that Betty always talks about how sad she's going to be when he leaves, but hasn't thought at all about how it's going to break Henry's heart when he has to leave her. God, I hate it when they're both right. And somehow, this is all still Daniel's fault. Commercials.

When we return, we're in the bathroom, where Amanda's grilling Marc about Cliff. Marc says he knows that Cliff isn't his type, and Amanda notes that it looks like Cliff ate his type. Oh, so mean! Marc says that what Amanda doesn't know is that he's really sweet, and that he wrote Marc a poem, and got Tyrese to call him on his cell phone, and has a belly button puppet named Mr. Gutley. He's not making a really good case with that last part. A tormented Marc wonders who he's become, and if he really should leave Cliff just because he doesn't use product. He says he doesn't want to end up sad and alone like Wilhelmina, whose own daughter made up an excuse not to go to her wedding. Amanda says that she thought Nico got bitten by a monkey, and Marc replies, "A monkey? Please. And Wilhelmina's marrying Bradford for love." They laugh and laugh until a toilet flushes and Wilhelmina walks out of a stall. This is indeed a pickle, and not the smiling kind. Wili just walks to the sink, washes her hands, and walks out without saying a word. It's always the silent pee-ers who end up making you feel like an asshole.

Back in Wili's office, Marc tries to appease Wili with pork rinds, to no avail. Marc starts to explain, but Wili cuts him off, saying that they're done for the night. She tells Marc that the reason she's put off finding another maid of honor is because she thought Nico would change her mind. Alas, Nico hates her. But, she says, Marc's wrong about her being alone. She has hundreds of backstabbing, two-faced superficial friends who are flying in from all over the globe to be part of this wedding, and any of them would be thrilled to be her maid of honor. She picks up the phone and says, "Wilhelmina Slater for Victoria Beckham, please." Oh, yeah, baby (spice)! I can't even tell you how excited I am for next week. I'm shaking it to the left, 'cause I'm having a good time, and shaking it to the right, 'cause I know that I feel fine. This show is giving me everything, all the joy it brings, this I swear. Wili asks Marc whom he's bringing to the wedding, and he's excited to know he gets a plus-one. Wili coldly tells him she wouldn't want him to end up sad and alone. As if she needed another reason to hate white people. Sigh.

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Ugly Betty

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