It's a flashback episode! As Betty cleans her desk in preparation for her new job, Christina notices that the bag she's carrying -- which should be a for-real Gucci -- is an unfortunate Gucci knock-off from the guy on the corner. So Betty explains and we travel back four months, to the frenzy of Mode Closet Cleaning (a.k.a. Free Swag) Day. As Daniel prepares for a visit from minimalist-loving Japanese designer Oshi, we learn that he's having some financial trouble. On a similar theme, Betty gets notified late that she has one day to turn in Daniel's monthly expense report. To Henry! It's the first time ever she's seen his face. Awwww. The blossoming romance, however, is overshadowed by the fact that Betty is being set up by Marc and Wilhelmina, who has been giving Bradford an earful about Daniel's fiscal irresponsibility. And I mean, say what you will about the bitch, but she kind of has a point. The plan works, and Betty totally effs up Daniel's expense report, thus making him responsible for $20,000 in poorly documented "miscellaneous expenses," and cut off from the company credit card. Which is a problem, because Daniel, having blown through his trust fund a while ago, is broke, and has actually been living off of the company card. The timing couldn't be worse, of course, because he needs to entertain Oshi at a fancy important dinner meeting. Wilhelmina cackles, if only on the inside, and tries to get herself invited by offering to foot the bill.
Meanwhile, Betty gets her first check, and learns all about the miracle of taxes. To make matters worse, Ignacio is having some health insurance problems and can't get his prescription filled. And because we're in the past, Betty (and we) have to deal with Walter trying to win her back via gifts of universal remotes. Christina, being awesome, saves Betty a prized Gucci bag from the closet cleaning, along with some other stuff that Betty regifts to her family. None of this free fashion changes the fact that Ignacio needs his pills, of course. Or DOES it? In fact, it does, as Betty trades her new Gucci for 15 refills at the pharmacy. I guess some people would call that a good trade-off.
Back at the office, Daniel has approximately $300 in his bank account with which to impress Oshi and his entourage, and, despite Betty's protestations, leans toward inviting credit-card-wielding Wilhelmina. But just in the Nick of time, Betty, through some clever sleuthing (and with help from Henry!), discovers that Wilhelmina's $25,000 "props and extras" budget from a trip Rio was used for -- wait for it -- a butt lift. Ha! So she gets in trouble with Bradford, too, and can't save the day as planned. But you know who can? That's right. Betty uses Oshi's mantras of "brown, white, and minimal" to devise the clever plan of taking Oshi and Co. to a "White Tassel" hamburger chain. And Oshi likes it! Yet another problem solved with pluck and tenacity. Which makes it even sadder when, at the eleventh hour, Walter kind of wins Betty's heart back.
All hail Jessica! I am really nervous to be stepping into her size 7 stilettos, but will do the best I can, even though I'm totally a size 10. I'm totally going to get a hammer toe.
It's cleaning time at Mode. The floor is being waxed. And so is Betty! But not in the way that one might hope. The crazy custodian guy (and seriously, he has NOTHING on my workplace crazy custodian lady AT ALL) actually bumps into Betty with the waxer. Because she's under her desk. Of course. She hits her head, and Christina, wheeling a rack of clothes, notices her and comes over to say hi. Betty explains that she's packing the rest of her things, including a mini cactus, which Amanda has placed on the floor. Christina notes that that was very considerate of her. Betty says that she wanted to come back at night, in case she cried. Awwww! This whole scenario is foreign to me, because everyone who leaves the establishment where I work does cartwheels out the door and then gives the building the finger. For a while I thought that was, like, the standard goodbye wave to the non-profit world. Betty notes that she's had no tears so far, and that it's a new year and new job, and that she'll even be in the same elevator, just one floor down. It's not like she's never going to see the rest of the gang again. OR IS IT? No, actually, it probably isn't. I mean, that would kind of ruin the show, right?
And then, because this is a flashback episode and things have to get awkward before they can move forward, Christina says that there's not much swag at NYW. Betty says no, and then grabs a giant bag with kind of a crazy print on it, fondles it, and says she'll definitely miss the perks. But then eagle eye Christina gets a funny look, which makes Betty get kind of a funny, nervous look in turn, and she tries to change the subject. But Christina demands to see the bag, which she promptly proclaims to be a knockoff from the guy on the corner. The final verdict comes when Christina smells the bag. Gross. I bet it has the scent of sauerkraut and beef lips all over it. Betty says that she loves it all the same, but Christina asks what happened to the Gucci. Betty replies, "Nothing... bad." She then says that she can explain, and Christina tells her to do so. Which leads to...
Flashback! It all started with the stampede four months ago, Betty says. We see skinny bitches running, and Betty standing in the middle of them looking like an American flag re-imagined by Laura Ashley. Seriously, sometimes her wardrobe kills me. And then sometimes I kind of like it, which makes me worry about myself. Last of the pack is Amanda, who is totally wearing formal shorts. She asks if she missed it, then yells, "Crap!" and pushes past Betty in a frenzy. Wilhelmina comes out calmly and says, "Dignity, Amanda." But then Daniel comes out, like, zipping his fly, causing her to quip, "I guess it's too late for that now." She tells Daniel that Prada trumps passion, and that Christina just posted the sign up sheet. She's cleaning the Closet tomorrow and has to get rid of all the winter fashions from the last three issues to make room for the spring stuff. Wilhelmina explains that this is the staff perk and suggests that Betty take a trip down there, adding that she might be able to find some socks in her size. Hey, that was mean! Pick on someone your own size! Which, okay, fine, would be someone skinny. Wilhelmina trumps me with her twisted logic yet again!