Ugly Betty

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The Box And The Bunny
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We open at Mode, where Betty -- who's never met a sweater vest she didn't like -- looks way happier to be at work than anyone has a right to be. She carries a box to her desk, and begins to unpack it, which is when we learn that she is one of those people who decorates her desk with little cutesy plaques and whatnot. Back in the dark ages, I worked at a large insurance brokerage, writing marketing copy, and there was a woman on my floor whose desk was covered in Jesus. Little ceramic Jesus on the cross. Little plastic Jesus escorting small plastic children and several small plastic lambs through a field. Jesus everywhere. Now, I have no complaint with Jesus, and I certainly did ask God to help me to refrain from killing certain co-workers during my time there, but the Landscape o' the Lord always seemed a bit inappropriate in the workplace to me. I just put up big pictures of half-naked dudes in my cube. The object getting Betty's place of honor is a bright pink bunny in a graduation cap, holding a diploma. It seems that the entire office is watching Betty decorate her desk, but only Evil Marc comes up to her. "Great bunny," he says. Betty smiles broadly and tells him that her sister gave it to her when she graduated from Queens College. "One of America's best value colleges!" Marc squeals. "Yep! That's the one," Betty tells him. It's apparently also the only college in America where the students aren't well-versed in the concept of sarcasm. Betty tells Evil Marc that her bunny is a good-luck charm. "Well, kudos," says Marc, adding that he applauds her effort at "personalizing her desk": it's "so [her]." Evil Marc's smiling at Betty when Wilhelmina barks for him, and his face falls. "I have to go," he tells Betty.

In his office, Daniel is talking to someone on the phone. "It was an amazing night for me, too," he tells her, and swears that he'l call her very, very soon. He then hangs up and says to himself, "I have no idea who that was." It is a tribute to Eric Mabius that I still find Daniel charming despite the fact that he's That Guy. Betty pops her head into his office and cheerfully offers to get him some coffee. Instead, he reads her an item from Page Six, in which she is quoted as confirming that he wore a certain designer's shoes to an event. It turns out that although he did wear them, that particular designer is notorious for using sweatshops. Daniel needs Betty to be more careful when she's talking to the press. Like Page Six gives a shit what men are wearing to events. I suspect they care who's getting into his pants, rather than whose pants he's wearing. Daniel mentions that he's got "the Natalie Whitman meeting" later, and Betty squeals. She loves Natalie Whitman! Her "Jenna Fletcher" movies are Betty's favorite: "I love her catchphrase: 'You do the math!'" Betty wonders if Daniel is aware that Natalie -- or, as we know her, Renée Zellweger -- gains thirty pounds every time she plays Jenna Fletcher/Bridget Jones. Daniel is well aware of this. It seems, in fact, that Natalie has been unable to lose the weight this time. I wish old Squinty McBulimiaFace Zellweger had that problem. Although, speaking of old Renée Zellweger, where the hell has she been lately? Maybe the stress of people calling her Squinty McBulimiaFace has turned her into a shut-in. Sorry about that, Renée. Daniel invites Betty to come to the meeting, and she's thrilled. "Remember, you and me? We're a team," Daniel reminds her. And then he orders her to fetch him some coffee.

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Ugly Betty

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