Ugly Betty

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Monty Ashley: A | 1 USERS: A+
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Operation: Betty Sexification!

Back in Queens, Hilda hangs up the phone and complains to Betty that it's weird for Archie to call her an hour after the date to say he had a good time. Betty is not sympathetic to Hilda's complaints that Archie's too into him, because Matt's being weird. Hilda shrugs that maybe she'll dump Archie and tells Betty that she's probably being to subtle. "You're very subtle. That's your style." Incidentally, Betty is drinking orange juice and eating pickles. That can't be good for your stomach lining, can it?

Suddenly, Amanda is laying down the law for Betty: "Rule #1: Never be subtle." Amanda's got rules. She also thinks the 1950s were a hundred years ago, which sort of makes sense if she thinks a month is a year. She's just not that good at time. At the news that it's still dry in Betty County (Amanda's words, not Betty's. Obviously), Amanda wants to teach Betty how to be sexy. She's got moves! And she thinks it'll be good for their article. Boy, these people do a lot of research for their web articles. I bet they're jealous that all I do is watch a television show a couple of times. Anyway, Betty sort of agrees to go along with Amanda's weird plans, and Amanda starts doing some kind of touchdown dance. Hmm. Amanda isn't being mean here, really. I think that's why she's coming off weird. I mean, weird in a different way than her usual sleepy-eyed come-ons. And why isn't she winking? No time for that now, because she's gotten a text from Daniel entitled "COME TO A POETRY SLAM". That's something you never want to hear from your boss. The tiny text claims that it's a "sure to be stimulating evening". Oh really, now. Amanda thinks it's lame. Betty thinks it's cool and enthuses about it to Daniel. Daniel hands Molly's poem to Betty, who reads about the Softly Caressing Waves and quickly comes to the conclusion that it's about Molly having sex with Daniel. Daniel thinks it's about the ocean.

Betty quotes some of the poetry: "I lay my head on the soft, pale sand, breathing in his salty scent." And there's a rock which Betty thinks is Daniel's head, because it's crying. Daniel is vehement that rocks don't cry, and I'm starting to suspect that his song "Crash and Burn" was about a car actually crashing and burning.

Amanda lets Betty into the Manhattan apartment. Betty thinks it's weird to be back, and Amanda gets weird: "I miss the me I was with us." Suddenly! A curtain twitches aside and Marc enters, saying it's time for "Operation Betty-Sexification!" Betty thought it was going to be "just us girls", and yes, obviously. And here we have another of those scenes where Amanda and Marc stare directly into the camera. Marc says they only have two hours and shines a green flashlight on Betty. I shall assume that's a reference to the "Hot or Not?" television show, where they used a laser pointer. Um, not that I watched that show.

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Ugly Betty

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