Ugly Betty

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1281 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
You're Not The One For Me, Fatty

Daniel comes into his office and Betty's looking out the window so sadly I can't handle it. "You lied to my face, Daniel." He swears she wasn't supposed to go down, and protests that he defended her, but she's not having it. "Things are not as simple and you and I wish they were," he says, and calls it a business decision to save jobs. "And ruin my reputation!" He says it'll blow over, but she reminds him she's not Daniel Meade, she's just an assistant, hopefully not in perpetuity, and that all she has her is reputation, which is now ruined: Betty Suarez has become Tornado Girl. She takes off and the precursor to that sad song starts playing while Daniel feels bad. Oh man, they're totally going to play that sad song they play, with the piano! During Marc's conversation with Cliff, I just know it. Goddamn it, I have no immunity to that song! It makes me cry every time! I hate you, show!

Ignacio shoves yet more high-fat sugary snacks down Hilda's face and then Archie shows up with this big box, looking all dreamy, and Hilda's snappish. She asks if he's there to evict them now, which is hilarious, and he says he doesn't want to be the guy even tangentially related to the killing of her dreams, which he isn't except in her crazy head, and says he found a loophole. If 30% of her profits come from selling products, she can get a permit for a boutique. Hilda asks what she's supposed to sell, and Justin is amazing some more, lying on the couch and flipping bitchily through the Fashion Storm and pointing without looking: "Are you kidding? First you can get rid of this hideous lamp, and then get rid of a half a dozen of those saints, and while you're at it get rid of Betty's hats." Without looking up, and you can tell the actor is loving every second. Everybody stares at him because he's turning into something strange and wonderful. Archie produces some random candles from the box and Ignacio doddles off to get his camera, and she flirts with Archie, and Justin pretends not to be loving that, and long after he's gone, Ignacio wanders back downstairs and looks old and lost and senile and Hilda's like, "Oh, Papi." It's cute.

Betty clears her throat and tells Marc she talked to Phil and Daniel. He makes that face and says he has no idea what she's talking about, and they're very different people, but they are in the same position now -- which I never thought about -- and have to look out for each other. She says Cliff is having a good influence on him, and that he's a very lucky man, which provokes this snorting weird meltdown and Marc wanders off into the closet all, "He's ... Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, he's really really lucky..." She follows him and he swears everything's perfect, and she's like, "It's not my business, but something's up." His eyes are so sad! He turns on her all, "You're right. It's none of your business," and tries to ignore her, but those sweet eyes of hers work their magic and bore through his cute hairdo and he's like, "Fucking fine. I cheated on Cliff and then proposed out of guilt. And I am a horrible person, and you have to think so too, so get lost." She swears he's not a bad person, but that she knows from earlier today that lies from somebody you trust hurt worse than regular lies, and that Cliff deserves the truth. And then that fucking song starts playing. Damn! I knew it!

Ugly Betty

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