Ugly Betty

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
You're Not The One For Me, Fatty

Then it's a short uneventful montage, Wili fully watching Molly fight Connor on the cancellation and then slowly drawing those same sheer curtains across her face like we got The Magic Flute over here for something, and all the Suarezes drinking champagne except for Justin, who is drinking milk out of a champagne flute, which is good and healthy. And speaking of healthy living, Cliff, just do what I've been doing all week. First go find some of that Stoli with the blue label. Copious amounts of that, a strange amount of "Coming Around Again" and "In The Winter" on repeat (because apparently heartbreak turns me into your mom), and then when the sun goes down you just go sarging and mug down with every low-risk/low-yield in a ten-mile radius. (And girl, let me just tell you that in Austin TX, the risk is low, and the ROI is nonexistent, which is perfect because it's quantity, not quality, that matters here. Don't even dress up. Fuck it.) Hopefully your bestie is also having a time, and you can do these activities as a pair; if you're making it a group activity, throw some Sparks or RBV's in the mix, which: I know, but trust me, this is my Grandmother's recipe. The only thing you must remember is this: if at any time a guy gets drunk enough in your home to start crying and talking about his dad, you get the eff out. You can't be there for that, because it gets too weird, and you want the opposite of weird, so be on the lookout because they all do it eventually. Then when you're done with your slut spiral and get up off your living room floor a week or two later, it's time to turn off the Carly Simon and Janis Ian, and clean your filthy house. Then you make some coffee, buy a cute outfit, and you're gold. Then you can come back on the show, right? Because a photographer in the fashion industry and you work for Mode? Right? RIGHT?

Next week: a 48-hour blank issue magazine contest pits Betty against Marc, and the prize would seem to be editorship. Hmmm.

See the soapiest moments in Betty history.

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Ugly Betty




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