Ugly Betty

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Killing Kimmie Kegan

Claire summons Wili and Daniel to a meeting with some suit named Mort who tells them that they are massive financial straits yet again, and makes some weird joke about how publishing is like fashion: "You'd rather not see red." I know what "red" means in this context, but I'm confused by the implication that red is not a fashionable color. Maybe I just didn't get it. Wili doesn't even have time to get it, and rushes off to meet Tom Ford. Maybe he decided to put on some damn clothes for once, although I wouldn't complain if he didn't. Daniel also wants to leave, and they pull some very funny sibling non-rivalry games trying to get Claire off their back, but she's not having it. Claire tells them she'll be damned if they bring down a building with her name on it, and notes that while Alexis did have some occasional murderous impulses, at least she was good with numbers. They need a CFO -- badly. Wili calls Claire a "poor man's Sally Field, and Daniel giggles, so Claire sets loose the dogs of Mort: the way things are going, their magazine is dead in the water. This gives them pause.

Betty brings some fattening groceries home and Val Emmich appears with the fucked up hair he's rocking as Jesse the Neighbor, and he offers about a billion times to help her with the bags, and finally she lets him after he gets pushy. Betty asks if he's got his guitar strapped on for a "gig" and then wonders if she's using the words correctly, and he says the saddest phrase in the English language: "coffee shop open mic." They talk about how horrible those are, not that she knows ("open mic? Who's Mike? Am I using these words correctly?") and he asks after her "fast-paced life as a magazine editor." She of course suffers massive Kimmie-related PTSD and starts babbling about business cards, and they relate on the level of being lazy and not getting shit done and then wondering "what it takes to get noticed in this town." He calls her "Super B," which I like, and talks about how they are both dreamers or something (I kind of phase out when he's onscreen), and he tells her not to give in to doubt, and then starts singing a song at her about not giving up: "Go for it Betty/ No need to get sweaty/ I know that you're ready..." And it's just so weird that he's not famous already, no?

Kimmie tells some boring story to a thousand accumulated hangers-on, and Amanda and Marc attempt to kiss her ass, but she gives them the "busy busy let's talk later" brush-off, which rankles them. As Marc says, they are king and queen of this particular Prom, and Amanda worries about what happens when the masses get ideas -- Marie Antoinette reference on the hearth like Chekov's gun -- and says they need to keep an eye on her. You know what song I like? Lindsay Lohan's song "Over." The video is a heartbreaker! But I really do like the song. I miss liking Lindsay Lohan so, so much and I was so into this comeback, but then she fucked it up again. I hope that she lives to become Jodie Foster but I'm willing to downgrade to Amanda Bearse if it keeps her alive.

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Ugly Betty

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