Ugly Betty

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Killing Kimmie Kegan

Betty runs in with a basket of fruit and Ignacio makes some stupid racist joke about it, and she screeches the words SIZZLING HOT FRUIT about sixty million more times and screams about how she's getting a quarter page with a picture, and then they all eat fruit. One is so five minutes ago, several are nasty, she says "kiwi" and Justin awesomely goes "kiwon't" and then Ignacio hops up and grabs some book he just happens to have about rare Brazilian fruits, okay, and Betty looks up this particular fruit on the internet and finds a wonderful surprise. Meanwhile, Hilda's like, "It's ugly!" and Ignacio pointlessly says that you have to look inside to find beauty sometimes, and also that the historically underrepresented Latino population in this country needs to get out there and vote so that their voices can be heard, and Hilda's like, "The tico berry is 'succulent and flavorful,' like me!" and Justin tells her to hurry up and get appropriate.

Daniel announces to the assembled editors that Betty has scored a giant coup for the Sizzling Hot issue, which is the sizzling hot tico berry which is also the sizzling hot favorite of sizzling hot Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima. Kimmie feels some sizzling hot jealousy, and when Betty reads this fifteen-page monograph about all the ways Adriana Lima loves the sizzling hot tico berry and credits them for making her beautiful, Amanda jumps up. Amanda is wearing an awesome outfit that manages to combine Crucifix Madonna with like Stargate, by the way. So Betty tells her there are no tico berries in the sizzling hot cafeteria, and Amanda says it's for her less beautiful friend, and then Wili explains the real coup here, which is that Adriana has never done a cover for Mode before, but thanks to the sizzling hot Betty's sensational Googling skills, it's happening. Daniel gives Betty the whole shoot, making her PM on the cover, and Kimmie gets some sizzling hot diarrhea, and Wili goes, "That's initiative! Sometimes it comes in even the most unlikely brown packages." Which is sizzlingly stupid. Daniel -- this is where it becomes ludicrous -- cuts Kimmie's sizzling hot club from the issue, because why would Mode be interested in setting trends as far as where to be seen, right, and Kimmie watches everybody congratulating Betty and gets a little crazier.

Wili's on the phone all "Marc the car is not here make it get here" and this entirely wicked hot masterpiece of a person approaches her and says he's an admirer, which she knows means he's either gay or a gossip, and he says no, he is a Connor Owens, formerly of some company I didn't catch because Australian talk sounds to me like the silverware of every kitchen on this planet going into a garbage disposal as big as the Ritz, and he starts talking about how you have to Market the Brand and Blue Ocean this and Tipping Point that, and she's like, "We are hemorrhaging money, please come be our CFO," and he says he can't because he has mysterious super-hateration with Daniel, which just makes her want him more, of course, and they are all flirty and sexy. She look really lovely this week.

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Ugly Betty

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