Ugly Betty

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Killing Kimmie Kegan
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Betty heads into work as she talks on the phone with Hilda, carrying a plate of jelly donuts for some reason. Hilda's all trying to get inside her head so she'll hate Kimmie Kegan even more than usual, because Hilda is, in this episode, completely disgusting. She talks about Kimmie putting a "steak knife" in Betty's back, and calls her something that "rhymes with bizatch." Sigh. Betty's like, "Um okay L'il Hilda, but I am no longer as of this moment a spineless naïve idiot." We shall see. Kimmie's sitting at Betty's desk getting a makeover due to her being the Mode Whore-On-The-Street/Associate Editor, and the stylist blow-dryers the powdered sugar from the donuts all over Betty's stupid clothes, and then Daniel shows up and they climb all over each other kissing his ass, as Kimmie reveals she's going to lunch with somebody from French Vogue. Betty counters with a call from Daniel's plumber, and Daniel high-fives Kimmie about her latest coup or whatever, and sends Betty to get them both breakfast, which Kimmie, of course, calls "brekky," because she is repulsive.

Betty drops the brekky on the table with a high amount of snottiness and Kimmie promises to let her know if she needs anything else. Betty points out that Kimmie can eat a dick, only she says it more like, "If you need anything else, you can get it yourself, because I work for Daniel." Kimmie points out her business cards in their beautiful shiny business card box, and how they say Associate Editor, and Betty, who in addition to being fea remains débil de voluntad, totally falls for her bullshit. Again. "Um, we have like a thousand Associate Editors?" To which the only response you could possibly give, Kimmie does: "And your fucking business card says what?" Nothing, because she has none, because in addition to being the Meade family tennis ball and the entire building's whipping girl, she also self-sabotages like a motherfucker.

Kimmie illustrates their circumstances with a handy hand-graph: "Editor, assistant to editor. Editor, assistant. I have gotten higher in two weeks than you have in two years. Don't you pretty much think you'll be an assistant forever?" Yes. She will be. She will also be fat and ugly and have braces forever, because no matter how unlikely any of that would be in real life, it's the show. I mean how great would it be if the show was still called Ugly Betty, and all the late-night comedians were like, "Ugly my ass! No grapes, no nuts!" I feel like that might happen one day when this show becomes interesting again, because something that off-the-beam is what's required at this point. On the other hand, this is probably a better episode than most or all of last season, so I'm not bitching. Anyway, blah blah, Kimmie is totally right, Betty remembers that she forgot that she sucks, and then continues to suck by running off crying instead of punching Lindsay Lohan in the box.

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Ugly Betty

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