Ugly Betty

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Cook Like Betty Crocker/Look Like Donna Reed

He signs out a new tie and then takes in the scene of Betty working on her magazine, and he and Christina are horrified by how she's doing a fashion magazine, and Betty's like, "Why on earth does everybody thing I'm going to fuck this up," and then Christina forces her to choose the correct vest after like ten years, and she's so pretty but I just don't get it. Then Betty's face turns green...

Which turns into Audrey II, where Justin is getting totally bounced before "Suddenly Seymour" by Randy's intensely homophobic (ie., normal) teenage friends. Randy thinks a lot about this and has some trepidation, but whatever: "Suddenly Seymour" is the most beautiful song in the entire world. He'll give in.

Betty and Christina are finishing up her outfit for the cover, and then Marc and Amanda sweep in signing out closet items left and right, because: Marc is also going for YETI. Betty's like, "What?" and he admits that he does try to keep a low profile. Wearing a blue velvet dinner jacket, striped women's scarf, and cartoon T-shirt with a tuxedo drawn on it in either puffy paint or Froot Loops, and he says he likes to keep a low profile. Christina, as usual, spills the beans about how Betty's doing a fashion magazine, and everybody shivers for a second, and Amanda sweetly whispers, "Betty, you know fashion means clothes, right?" Marc moohoohas about how he's totally in, and Christina yells something incomprehensible in that voice of hers, and he asks if her book will be called Clashing Patterns Digest, then informs her that she has no chance because they only take one assistant from a given magazine, and between "this" (his fierce self) and "this" (her hot tranny mess look), you know they're taking Marc. Amanda follows after shooting Betty a somewhat sympathetic worry look that makes her seem like she's strangling. Betty just stares all bug-eyed at nothing, because honestly.

Justin comes home freaking out about Little Shop, distracting Hilda from her pedicure. She corrects her "baby boy" to "big strong man," and he worries slightly about Randy taking off right after the show. Hilda sets them up on a super tight date to see In The Heights on Broadway, and Justin runs upstairs to get his little heart broken, and then Betty comes in to overeat and cry about how dumb her whole fashion mag/zero turnaround thing is turning out to obviously be. Then Ignacio produces the Betty Review Betty made when she was a little kid and her magazine career began. Ignacio points out that she made this crappy kid's stuff in a single afternoon, and Hilda's like, give them that. Which: Not exactly, but yes.

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Ugly Betty

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