God Visits

Episode Report Card
Heathen: B | 1 USERS: A+
God Visits

Lizzie scampers up to Ron. "He's a jerk. I hate him!" she screeches. "I'm trying to, like, French him, and he's going off on The Bible." Ron tries to write it off as a phase so that she won't give up on Steven yet, but Lizzie's determined to hate him. "Do it with him!" Ron pleads. "Forget it!" she hisses. "I'm going to call Eric!" Oh, nice. She wasn't going to dump him until she was sure about Steven. Way to cover your bases, on so many levels. Skank.

Rachel storms out onto the lawn. Shaggy follows, wearing one of those tall hats with the pouch inside that keeps weed safe from grabby hands and hair oils. "There's a mosh pit in there," she rants. "Somebody just ripped my poster of the French people kissing." Serves her right -- what a stupid poster. She's going insane, but Shaggy tries to cajole her into going back upstairs by pretending they're playing Dido and slow-dancing in the Poochy Palace. But Rachel has already caught sight of Larice taking lonely refuge on a bench, and she feels sorry for the girl. Shaggy attempts again to lure Rachel upstairs, but no dice -- Rachel calls out to Larice in a fit of pity. She blurts that they shredded her application because they wanted a party room, but that she's reconsidered, and Larice can have the damn thing. Nice of her to consult Lizzie on that one. Shaggy is clearly pissed, masking that thinly with fake excitement. Larice jumps up in glee and starts wiggling her butt, then doing her own version of a Saturday Night Fever routine, clapping and pointing and shaking everything she has that moves. It's quite marvelous. The child has funk. Rachel and Shaggy gawk at her in disbelief, Rachel already starting to regret her snap decision to invite Larice into their lives. "Where's the party?" Larice giggles, suddenly carefree. "Why, the party's in your new room!" Shaggy cackles. Larice boogies her way over to them and says, "You know when you live with [Larice], it's a party every night!" Shaggy escorts her upstairs, relishing Rachel's obvious horror. She stays behind and wonders why she's so easy. We wonder why she's easy with everyone but Shaggy.

The next morning, Steven strolls the quad, again enshrouded in Godly love and splendor. But he stops short when he sees Badonk becoming a man, putting his tongue in a girl's mouth while putting the "donk" in his nickname. "What are you doing?" Steven sputters. "Hey baby! What's up?" Badonk-a-donk says happily. "I don't...I thought you said it's not about girls, it's about God," Steven panics. Badonk-a-donk takes one look at Steven and one look at the willowy breasted creature in front of him, and chooses to donk her instead of preach the Word. "Um, time out," he offers. "Is she fine? Is she fine?...You gonna blame me for this?" Steven, nauseated, realizes he just wasted a chance to get his noodle cooked, and runs off to try and boil the water once more. "She was sent by God," Badonk-a-donk yells helpfully, as if to rationalize his actions. The pretty girl just stands there smiling about how pretty she is.

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